Mercy is putting your hands in dirty water

Every week we as a community take one night to have a spirituality night. During these nights we take turns using different prayers, discussing different spirituality topics or reflecting on spirituality in our daily lives. This week as we were talking Sarah reminded me of a quote from one of our trainings in preparation for Guyana: "Mercy is putting your hands in the dirty water". This quote really hit me and made me think about my frustrations from the week.

The hospital that I work at has a problem with slight flooding when the tide is high and it's raining which makes walking in and out of the compound slightly frustrating. Now, it was frustrating before but now that we have moved buildings this trek has become even more difficult. The other day I had to go over to the main building of the hospital and had to walk across some tiny planks, jump bricks, and tip toe around water simply to get across the water. I got really frustrated because our patients couldn't manage the walk through this obstacle course and I felt like the house we were put in was really inconsiderate for our patients. Now for those of you who live in the states this water is not clean water, it's dirty gross smelly infected water, nothing you would ever be willing to walk through. When Sarah brought up the quote about dirty water I had a complete light bulb moment and related the frustrations of the rising water to my attitude.

I feel like sometimes I am walking around yelling: "Loooook, DIRTY WATER!!! It's right there!! Someone fix it I can't believe there is dirty water!" When in reality I should be calm and willing to work with the dirty water. (figuratively :))Looking at something that's broken and telling someone that's it broken does nothing if no one is willing to try and fix it. I cannot fix all the problems at my work place and in fact I may never fix any but the point is if i'm not willing to try then nothing will ever be done.

One of things in the states that we take for granted is the lack of exposure to TB (Tuberculosis). I was talking to one of my co-workers who is suppose to start a TB prophylaxis regimen and she was saying how we don't all realize that we are in a epidemic country and can contract TB simply by being exposed in minibuses. Now with a healthy immune system you are much less likely to contract TB but three of my co-workers have recently started TB prophylaxis. Worrying about TB is something I would have never thought about back home and although it only rarely passes my mind here I still have to reflect on the fact that I am thankful for not having this worry growing up.

Tuesday was labor day which means another public holiday in Guyana. This means that I only taught one day this week which was kind of sad. I realized that I have become quite attached to my students and enjoy my time with them. One of my students has a really hard time learning but I wouldn't even have the slightest clue at how to describe her learning disability. When she is reading sometimes it will be the word cat and you've been working with her for an hour on the "at" sound but all of a sudden she forget everything you've taught her and just guesses "dog". I've always had a really hard time teaching her the computer and am thankful that other students are always willing to help her out and work along side of her when I am working with the other students. This week the students had a little bit more free time because I didn't want they to get too far ahead of the other set of students so they were all playing spider solitaire. For a long while different people have been trying to teach this girl how to play and sometimes with little success. On Tuesday I was sitting at my desk simply observing my students and I watched her open the program, play the game by herself and win. I sat there in shock because for her to actually win the game without help was such a huge accomplishment. I was so happy for her that she was able to do something on her own. It wasn't the fact that I had taught her but the fact that she was independent and could completely operate the mouse, figure out the game and succeed. So many times these students have such low self esteem and I desperately want them to feel like they can accomplish something. Yes i'm glad that by the end of this year my bright students will have a great grasp of the computer, but I'm also glad that my slow students will have made major accomplishments that you or I would take for granted.

Last night I went and baked cookies and made pasta with one of my friends Sanya. It was such a great night just to get away and relax. I think that baking and cooking has become my new favorite coping mechanism for stress which also includes cleaning the dirty kitchen. I think it's mostly because so many times I feel like i'm not accomplishing anything in my work and my life. I sometimes wonder if i've accomplished anything in my past two years here and completing small tasks helps me to remember I didn't come to change the world or even Guyana, but just to focus on the individuals that I could help. I'm glad that my coping mechanism is so tasty!

Well another week is quickly approaching. We have bought our plane tickets home and we leave Guyana on the 6th of Barbados. After we spend four nights in Barbados we leave on the 10th and arrive in Minneapolis on the 11th of August! Having a date makes everything just a little bit more real. Well anyway I have work to go and complete. Have a blessed week everyone!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann