Small and big joys of life*

Last weekend I was lucky enough to go on retreat from Friday night through Monday early afternoon. We went to St. Paul's retreat centre which isn't very far from Georgetown. The theme of the retreat centre around the bible passage about the Road to Emmaus. The first night of retreat was simple we just had dinner and opening prayer and had some time to relax before bed. The next day began with opening prayer and then we were to spend the rest of the day in silence. Although I have always wanted to go on a silent retreat silence is not easy for me. We had to reflect on a ton of different questions about our journey from the beginning of our experience in Guyana all the way up until today. I felt like I made it for about 90% of the day and then I was just exhausted so I took a nap! :) I think it was good to slow down and to think because honestly I feel like I haven't done much reflecting on life at all lately.

The next day we began talking about our transition to life back home. We had another set of information thrown at us and then the day to look through and reflect. Luckily this day was not in complete silence so I was able to chat with all three of the girls at different parts of the day and throw thoughts and ideas at them. I eventually just got overwhelmed at all the information in front of me that I just stopped and saved it for another time. Sometimes I feel like my mind can go into overdrive and I need to turn it off so I just don't go crazy.

Monday was the last day of retreat so we just had a closing activity which was creating a craft, closing prayer and lunch. I think this retreat made me realize how much of a home body I am. I really enjoy going out different places but I really love just to be at home in my own bed at the end of the day. There is something I really enjoy about the simple pattern and routine I have fallen into here in GT. I enjoy seeing familiar faces, taking the same routes to work and having a set schedule. For me this is really weird because that used to drive me crazy back home. I always looking for something new to do or something to keep me busy. Don't get me wrong I keep myself really busy here but I also found I have learned to be content with the small joys of life.

Speaking of the small joys of life one of my favorite boys from the orphanage lost his tooth the other day and when I went to the orphanage today I couldn't help but laugh when he smiled at me. He was almost ashamed of it at first but then I told him that it suit him and he couldn't stop smiling. Audrey has one boy in her class called Jamal Ali, He rarely listens to her and I told him if he listened that he would get cheese sticks from me which is something like cheetos. When I got to the orphanage he came up to me all affectionately asking me where his cheese sticks were. I told him that he didn't fulfil his end of the deal. He tried to cuddle up to me for a long time because I think he knows I have a weakness for cuteness. I didn't give in and this time I told him if he made it for all day monday and tuesday behaving I would come back and give him some. He flat out told me he couldn't behave that long and he would never earn the cheese sticks. I laughed at him a little bit but I appreciated his honesty. He knew he wouldn't be able to behave so he flat out told me the truth.

I think as adults we sometimes lose the ability to have that genuine honesty about our abilities. We all can't be the best at everything yet at the same time I feel like this is what we all desire. Sometimes I hear so many people rationalizing their abilities. For example if someone loses a video game it's never because the other person was better but because this excuse and that excuse. I think it can be very freeing in life to actually admit to who we are, to find the truth about ourselves the good and the bad. It is from there that we can honestly love ourselves and recognize that it isn't about what we accomplish but about who we are.

For those of you don't live in Minnesota this week my home town was very closely threatened with a forest fire. My family was evacuated for a short while on Thursday afternoon and had to decide what to take from the house. When I found out I was freaking out because not only is it my stuff by the house that I had grown up in and had sooo many memories. They made up so many different instances in my life that I couldn't imagine not having my house. It was the items but the memories that the house represented. All the many joys I experienced growing up would still be there but I knew it wouldn't be the same. Thankfully nothing and no one was injured and I can be relieved that I will go back to the same house that I left for Guyana. This is a great joy in my life! :) God is good.

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann