What goes around comes around!

It's officially almost the end of may which means it's almost my BIRTHDAY! Who's excited to raise the roof?!? Okay maybe not really but we are having a get together of friends tomorrow to celebrate the beginning of my 24th year of life!!

We had open day at school this Wednesday which meant that on Tuesday we had to get our classrooms ready for other schools to come and see. I had some old printers in the corner of my room that had been sitting there since the beginning of my time in Guyana. I had some of the boys move it so that the room would look nicer and as soon as their hands touched it, it literally shattered. I'm pretty sure the printer was as old as I am but it was hilarious to see the look on their face like: "Whhhaaaa I didn't do it!!!". Also I had an extra desk and about 10 extra chairs thrown at me that morning and was told: "Fit this in and make it look nice!!!". Well luckily I have 11 lovely girls in the morning who were easily bribed by sweeties to help me make the room look wonderful! I really love the girls I work with.

I had to go shopping on Wednesday to get a few different things and shopping in Guyana always truly makes me miss being home. I am not very fond of walking into stores, having someone follow me and also having someone tell me if they think the item I pick up is going to be too big or too small. I actually find myself avoid stores that have male sales clerks because I really just can't handle all the one on one attention when I have a terrible time making any decisions. I can't wait to be lost in a store alone picking out my own clothes without the mindless commentary!

As I realize that I only have a little bit more than two months left I feel like i'm starting to feel like I did at the beginning. I enjoy the little things of everyday that I had been taking for granted the past few months. Life is always more enjoyable when you find the small little things enjoyable - too bad it takes transition for me to remember.

Guyana is currently having a chicken shortage which means that chicken is really scarce and when you do find it it's expensive. We needed  to get chicken for my birthday get together and it was starting to stress me out. We were calling around different places and everyone said there were out. We finally called one store and they said they had some so we said we were coming. When we got to the store the ended up telling me that they didn't have any and I got frustrated. Then a young man who I knew walked out and started to talk to me. His mother was in the hospital for various reasons and every time I would pass him in the hall I would talk with him and see how he was doing. He ended up being the supervisor for this store and he told me to hold on. He went into the back and came out with a small slip of paper and told me to bring it up to the register and I would get the chicken I needed. I was so unbelievably relieved!! So many times I would walk by him at the hospital in a rush and still stop and at that moment I realized how important it is to give people your time. It's not just because he did me a favor in return but because he seemed so glad to do it. It truly pays to be nice to people not just because of what you receive in return but because of the connection you find with the person. I've been back to the store since and I can tell you every time I walk in I get excited to see my friend because his kindness always brings a smile to my face.

I need to wish my Auntie Annie a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY tomorrow!!!! I can't wait to go home and spent quality time with her in her scrap booking room!! My sister and I always say that her and my uncle Warren have adopted us as our second set of parents. I wish that I was in Ely to share a wonderful Angel food cake with strawberries that I'm sure my grandmother has made for my aunt. :) My aunt is such a kind and funny person I am blessed to have her so close to me when I am home!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

Small and big joys of life*

Last weekend I was lucky enough to go on retreat from Friday night through Monday early afternoon. We went to St. Paul's retreat centre which isn't very far from Georgetown. The theme of the retreat centre around the bible passage about the Road to Emmaus. The first night of retreat was simple we just had dinner and opening prayer and had some time to relax before bed. The next day began with opening prayer and then we were to spend the rest of the day in silence. Although I have always wanted to go on a silent retreat silence is not easy for me. We had to reflect on a ton of different questions about our journey from the beginning of our experience in Guyana all the way up until today. I felt like I made it for about 90% of the day and then I was just exhausted so I took a nap! :) I think it was good to slow down and to think because honestly I feel like I haven't done much reflecting on life at all lately.

The next day we began talking about our transition to life back home. We had another set of information thrown at us and then the day to look through and reflect. Luckily this day was not in complete silence so I was able to chat with all three of the girls at different parts of the day and throw thoughts and ideas at them. I eventually just got overwhelmed at all the information in front of me that I just stopped and saved it for another time. Sometimes I feel like my mind can go into overdrive and I need to turn it off so I just don't go crazy.

Monday was the last day of retreat so we just had a closing activity which was creating a craft, closing prayer and lunch. I think this retreat made me realize how much of a home body I am. I really enjoy going out different places but I really love just to be at home in my own bed at the end of the day. There is something I really enjoy about the simple pattern and routine I have fallen into here in GT. I enjoy seeing familiar faces, taking the same routes to work and having a set schedule. For me this is really weird because that used to drive me crazy back home. I always looking for something new to do or something to keep me busy. Don't get me wrong I keep myself really busy here but I also found I have learned to be content with the small joys of life.

Speaking of the small joys of life one of my favorite boys from the orphanage lost his tooth the other day and when I went to the orphanage today I couldn't help but laugh when he smiled at me. He was almost ashamed of it at first but then I told him that it suit him and he couldn't stop smiling. Audrey has one boy in her class called Jamal Ali, He rarely listens to her and I told him if he listened that he would get cheese sticks from me which is something like cheetos. When I got to the orphanage he came up to me all affectionately asking me where his cheese sticks were. I told him that he didn't fulfil his end of the deal. He tried to cuddle up to me for a long time because I think he knows I have a weakness for cuteness. I didn't give in and this time I told him if he made it for all day monday and tuesday behaving I would come back and give him some. He flat out told me he couldn't behave that long and he would never earn the cheese sticks. I laughed at him a little bit but I appreciated his honesty. He knew he wouldn't be able to behave so he flat out told me the truth.

I think as adults we sometimes lose the ability to have that genuine honesty about our abilities. We all can't be the best at everything yet at the same time I feel like this is what we all desire. Sometimes I hear so many people rationalizing their abilities. For example if someone loses a video game it's never because the other person was better but because this excuse and that excuse. I think it can be very freeing in life to actually admit to who we are, to find the truth about ourselves the good and the bad. It is from there that we can honestly love ourselves and recognize that it isn't about what we accomplish but about who we are.

For those of you don't live in Minnesota this week my home town was very closely threatened with a forest fire. My family was evacuated for a short while on Thursday afternoon and had to decide what to take from the house. When I found out I was freaking out because not only is it my stuff by the house that I had grown up in and had sooo many memories. They made up so many different instances in my life that I couldn't imagine not having my house. It was the items but the memories that the house represented. All the many joys I experienced growing up would still be there but I knew it wouldn't be the same. Thankfully nothing and no one was injured and I can be relieved that I will go back to the same house that I left for Guyana. This is a great joy in my life! :) God is good.

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

Happy Mothers Day

This week I was sitting at work and one of the patients was waiting to see the nurse. I watched her as she sat there and was complaining of being in intense pain. I couldn't help but notice she was praying and all that she said was: "Lord, I can't take this pain, please take it away from me." It really hit me because I know that we've all been in situtations where we don't see the light rather just the darkness. I was then thinking about how Mother Teresa talks about how it's harder to comfort someone who feels lonely and unloved than a hungry person who simply needs food. I sometimes feel at a complete loss at how to comfort someone who is in pain. Pain is such a difficult issue to deal with because only the person experiencing it can actually understand that is going on. Pain changes people.

At first that might sound quite depressing but then I found a quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross that inspired me:

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

I truly believe this quote holds a lot of truth. All the people I really admire in life are people who have had deep suffering and terrible losses but come out of their sorrow and remember that life goes on. When I was younger I hated when my Grandmother would say that because I felt like whatever problem I was faceing was never going to get better. The older I get and the more I go through I really realize how true that statment is and that it's probably the most beautiful part of life. Life goes on. See Grandma's always know what's best even if our pre-teen selves couldn't understand! :)

We are about to go on retreat and so I only have a few minutes to write which is why I am keeping this blog short. Since I will be away for Mother's Day this weekend I guess I wanted to give my mother a shout out for Mother's Day and for being the best mother ever!

I was talking with my roommate last night and we were talking about our mothers and she asked me if I was able to tell my mother anything or if I could only tell her somethings. I immediately answered saying that I could easily tell my mother anything because my mother is non judgemental. I must also take my hat off to her for always knowing how to discipline her children well. I once remember asking my mother why she wasn't going to do anything when I did something wrong and she told me that I already punished myself worse that she would have. Having a guilty conscious like I do is never easy and having a mother who understands that has been one of the biggest blessings of mine growing up. Plus she knew I couldn't lie, and if I did she could always tell.... ALWAYS.

I love my mother very much! Happy Mothers Day!!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

Mercy is putting your hands in dirty water

Every week we as a community take one night to have a spirituality night. During these nights we take turns using different prayers, discussing different spirituality topics or reflecting on spirituality in our daily lives. This week as we were talking Sarah reminded me of a quote from one of our trainings in preparation for Guyana: "Mercy is putting your hands in the dirty water". This quote really hit me and made me think about my frustrations from the week.

The hospital that I work at has a problem with slight flooding when the tide is high and it's raining which makes walking in and out of the compound slightly frustrating. Now, it was frustrating before but now that we have moved buildings this trek has become even more difficult. The other day I had to go over to the main building of the hospital and had to walk across some tiny planks, jump bricks, and tip toe around water simply to get across the water. I got really frustrated because our patients couldn't manage the walk through this obstacle course and I felt like the house we were put in was really inconsiderate for our patients. Now for those of you who live in the states this water is not clean water, it's dirty gross smelly infected water, nothing you would ever be willing to walk through. When Sarah brought up the quote about dirty water I had a complete light bulb moment and related the frustrations of the rising water to my attitude.

I feel like sometimes I am walking around yelling: "Loooook, DIRTY WATER!!! It's right there!! Someone fix it I can't believe there is dirty water!" When in reality I should be calm and willing to work with the dirty water. (figuratively :))Looking at something that's broken and telling someone that's it broken does nothing if no one is willing to try and fix it. I cannot fix all the problems at my work place and in fact I may never fix any but the point is if i'm not willing to try then nothing will ever be done.

One of things in the states that we take for granted is the lack of exposure to TB (Tuberculosis). I was talking to one of my co-workers who is suppose to start a TB prophylaxis regimen and she was saying how we don't all realize that we are in a epidemic country and can contract TB simply by being exposed in minibuses. Now with a healthy immune system you are much less likely to contract TB but three of my co-workers have recently started TB prophylaxis. Worrying about TB is something I would have never thought about back home and although it only rarely passes my mind here I still have to reflect on the fact that I am thankful for not having this worry growing up.

Tuesday was labor day which means another public holiday in Guyana. This means that I only taught one day this week which was kind of sad. I realized that I have become quite attached to my students and enjoy my time with them. One of my students has a really hard time learning but I wouldn't even have the slightest clue at how to describe her learning disability. When she is reading sometimes it will be the word cat and you've been working with her for an hour on the "at" sound but all of a sudden she forget everything you've taught her and just guesses "dog". I've always had a really hard time teaching her the computer and am thankful that other students are always willing to help her out and work along side of her when I am working with the other students. This week the students had a little bit more free time because I didn't want they to get too far ahead of the other set of students so they were all playing spider solitaire. For a long while different people have been trying to teach this girl how to play and sometimes with little success. On Tuesday I was sitting at my desk simply observing my students and I watched her open the program, play the game by herself and win. I sat there in shock because for her to actually win the game without help was such a huge accomplishment. I was so happy for her that she was able to do something on her own. It wasn't the fact that I had taught her but the fact that she was independent and could completely operate the mouse, figure out the game and succeed. So many times these students have such low self esteem and I desperately want them to feel like they can accomplish something. Yes i'm glad that by the end of this year my bright students will have a great grasp of the computer, but I'm also glad that my slow students will have made major accomplishments that you or I would take for granted.

Last night I went and baked cookies and made pasta with one of my friends Sanya. It was such a great night just to get away and relax. I think that baking and cooking has become my new favorite coping mechanism for stress which also includes cleaning the dirty kitchen. I think it's mostly because so many times I feel like i'm not accomplishing anything in my work and my life. I sometimes wonder if i've accomplished anything in my past two years here and completing small tasks helps me to remember I didn't come to change the world or even Guyana, but just to focus on the individuals that I could help. I'm glad that my coping mechanism is so tasty!

Well another week is quickly approaching. We have bought our plane tickets home and we leave Guyana on the 6th of Barbados. After we spend four nights in Barbados we leave on the 10th and arrive in Minneapolis on the 11th of August! Having a date makes everything just a little bit more real. Well anyway I have work to go and complete. Have a blessed week everyone!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann