Who am I?

Hey there,


Walking down to the internet cafe` today in the 90+ degree heat with a scorching sun made me think of all my friends and family back home who are enjoying the snow in their lives right now. I can honestly say I really don't miss the snow at all! I thought when I first came to Guyana that I would miss the cold, but I have converted and now I know that there is nothing all that special about being cold all the time!!!

This past weekend we had the flu bug go through out house and Meg, Sarah and Audrey got a little sick. Luckily I was able to stay healthy - mostly by avoiding the house. :) Meg got sick the most and had to miss a couple days of work. Monday gone was another national holiday. I ended up going into work to finish connecting all of the computers to the internet so it didn't seem like a holiday to me. This was okay since we had just had a holiday the week before.

I would like to throw a shout out to my beautiful and great friend Anna. She left Georgetown on friday to head back to the UK. Anna and I have shared so much throughout the past year together and reflected as I was helping her pack on how much we have both changed and grown in the past year. Anna was always a great person to talk with and throw ideas at. She is honest and passionate about life. Anna is never shy to make me see both sides of everything and help me to be cautious if I am about to tread in dangerous waters. I will truly miss her and she will always have a special place in my heart.

This past week we had to submit stories for our Mercy Volunteer Corps connection and my roommate Sarah submitted one titled: "Who am I?". We were sitting in her room talking one night and we were both reflecting on how sometimes we do or say things and we wonder what the younger version of us would say. I feel like I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. Conversations with Anna, Audrey and Sarah all helped me to confirm this.

One example of this is we were cooking in the kitchen and someone told Sarah what to do. I immediately stopped them because back in the day I used to over correct Sarah because I thought I was always right. Sarah said to me: "Ohh, just like Ashley back in the day, when you used to think you were always right... you're not like that at all anymore". I then replied: "Yeah, in fact I think sometimes now I admit when I'm wrong a little too easy". I am able to see things from so many different perspectives and actually to be honest if I have become judgmental against anyone these days its against people who remind me of the old me. Oh what growth can do to ya - its not always perfect and you always have something to work on.

I have been able to see this for a while but it really hit me this past week when I realized I just don't stress nearly as much as I used to. I used to let things bother me and stress me out and now although I do still have stress and troubles it reflects in a much different way in my life.

The main example I have for this is a huge change in friends throughout the past couple of months. Before coming to Guyana I thought that there were people in my life who I couldn't live without. Now I realize that this isn't true at all. People will always be coming in and out of our lives and I have finally come to the conclusion that at the end we just need to be at peace with ourselves. There are people who literally try and suck the fun out of life. Focusing on the negative doesn't get us anywhere. If you have a beautiful tree in your yard but it has a bunch of dead branches you should probably cut them off. Yes at one point the branches had beautiful growth but if it has become dead weight and is a negative influence to the rest of the tree - cutting it off is most often the best option. Life is about continual change and growth and once we become comfortable with the natural changes in life I feel our stress level will decrease dramatically. Yes there are times when we have to fight for things but not everything is a battle sometimes its just a turn in the road in which you shouldn't look back.

Audrey and Sarah have been instrumental in helping me to realize this. We have had many different people come in and out of our lives the past 14 months but they are two people who are constant. Last night Audrey and I sat in my mosquito night and has a really good talk about life and it reminded me that we are always provided with what we need. Sometimes we think we know what we want and what we need - but God is giving us a present 1000 times greater but because we are too stubborn to even look at the new gift we focus on the old.


I guess this week I am kind of at a loss of what to share. Life this week was busy with classes, patients, and catching up on some good sleep. The elections are coming up here and that has lead to some really big campaigns and interesting tatics. Next week in my blog I will share more about what is going on with the election and all the interesting things about that. I guess I will end with a short reflection that I had to do for our Mercy Volunteer Corps Connections:


"I once heard a quote that said "statistics are humans with the tears wiped away". I often wonder how many times I looked at a statistic about HIV and didn't think twice about it. HIV's toll on the world is easy to overlook when we only see numbers. My life in Guyana has forever made me look at these numbers not simply as numbers but as faces, as tears, as stories that are unheard by so many people.

I sometimes think we lose connection with actual human beings because of technology and Guyana has firmly reminded me to focus on the human rather than the machine. No story over text message or email is even comparable to sitting down with someone and chatting. Because we have this distant mean of information sharing and communication we have the ability to change horrible statistics into a fact that evades our heart.

Take time to focus on someone who has become a statistic, a story untold, someone the world has forgotten. We might not be able to change the world, but we can change a life. Give validation to a individual and connect ourselves to another human being. For every HIV statistic there is a tear and face, don't ever forget that."

Stay sweet,

Ashley Ann