New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year Everyone! New Years here was a very good experience. Many people here go to church late “old year’s night” to bring in the New Year. We went to church at 10:30 at St. Teresa’s. I thought it was interesting that almost all of the church services were late at night and went to almost midnight. The Cathedrals mass was at 11pm and went until 1am I heard! After we went to church (which was PACKED) we went to go and watch the fireworks. The fireworks were shot off not too far from our house at the GDF compound. (Guyana Defense Force) We went with our friend Wilton, his cousin, and another friend Hanzel. The thing is… we never made plans for after church we just figured that something would happen. After church they asked if we wanted to go to the fireworks and we gladly agreed. Everything here is very last minute, very last minute. I say that everything is last minute but I don’t want to put across that I feel like that is a bad thing. Audrey and I were talking about how many days here seem like laid back summer days – yet you still get things done. I feel like there is productivity and activity, it just lacks a lot of stress that I now find unnecessary. We didn’t have plans after church, and if nothing came up well then we would have went home and had fun ourselves. I feel like my life pre-Guyana was a lot of planned fun. We are going to do this… then this… then this… Life here is unexpected and I’m becoming to like the unexpectedness of it all. Anyway – after the fireworks which were very short we went back to our house, made brownies, ate brownies and hung out with friends.

On New Year’s eve I was talking with my friend Wilton and I asked him what his New Year’s resolution was and then when he asked me what mine was I realize how I never really make New Year’s resolutions. This thought kept with me through the next day when I went to a retreat put on by some sisters from the states. One thing that came up during the retreat was the idea of success. When you think of success what do you think of? When I asked my roommate Sarah what an average person would define success as she said they would probably say making an adequate amount of money to live comfortably. So often we relate large amounts of money to large amounts of success. Is success only based on money, fame, and popularity? Does success equal happiness? What is true success?

This helped me to think about how some people were disappointed with my decision to come to South America to volunteer because it wouldn’t help my career. And since I don’t have a career or a job yet that means some people think that I lack success. So, have I given up success for something else? Well if I gave up success what happens when I accomplish something here? And finally after many mental rhetorical questions I really had to come to terms with the idea that success for me has nothing to do with money, and I am going to be okay with that. Often times here I found myself hung up by the people who think that I should be “doing something with my life” and I finally stopped myself and realized success does not have to be monetary.

So often we hear the phrase you can’t take it with you when you’re gone. However that doesn’t stop us from striving after money and collecting stuff. Everywhere around you is stuff. There is so much stuff it makes me sick. I was thinking about Wal-Mart the other day and I almost started to cry because it’s just a store full of stuff. Sure some of it is necessary – but really why do we need so much. In the past 100 years wealth and stuff in America has increased exponentially yet happiness has decreased. Many successful wealthy people are still depressed and lonely. Stuff cannot make you happy. No matter how fun it is to play that play station or x box game stuff cannot bring you happiness. Yet the people with the most stuff and money are the people who are the most successful. So if you think success if having a lot of money, sure you may shoot for success but then also realize that does not mean success is synonymous with happiness.

My New Year’s resolution is to stay true to my own definition of what success is. For me the definition of success is to come home at the end of the day tired, out of patience, and used up because I put my all into my day. Then I have achieved my goal of using all of my abilities. If I go to my site each day and just get by I have not succeeded because then I have sold someone short. I succeed when I put in extra effort to smile to the girl on the street selling clothes. I succeed when I do the dishes for my roommates without complaining when it’s their mess and not mine. I succeed when I go play with the boys, when I go for a walk with a student, when I paint a new picture. I succeed when I will the good of another above myself.

Success is not about money, fame or popularity for me. The great thing about a blog is, I’m the only author, and this is the great thing about my life – I’m the one on the journey. You may disagree and think I’m wasting my time. You may agree with me and encourage me on my way. You may be someone who is apathetic to the whole idea and probably hasn’t even gotten this far in my blog. Whoever and wherever you are I encourage you to think about what success is for you. It doesn’t have to be the same thing as success for me – but is your definition of success money, and is that what you want it to be?

For the New Year I ask just one thing; succeed by my definition for just one day: Laugh, play in the snow, build a fort out of blankets, eat chocolate, love with all you have, go above and beyond, stop worrying so much and remember peace begins with a smile.

Love and Prayers,

Ashley Ann