BitterSweet

I've been sitting at the internet now for over an hour still not sure what to write or exactly how to write it. This is not because I don't have anything to write about of course but rather just because I have such a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

This last week has been full of a TON of cleaning, organizing, sorting and clearing out stuff I have accumulated in my room over the past two years. We set up a little shop in a corner of our living room and gave away TONS of clothes and various other things we won't be bringing home with us. I gave away a ton of clothes because i've basically been wearing the SAME thing for two years and had no desire to bring them with me any more. It was crazy how quickly we got rid of things. There are still a few odds and ends around the house but nothing that we won't be able to get rid of.

I have slightly more than a week left in Guyana as I fly our next Monday to head to Barbados for five days. I know that I will be busy so I think this is the last time I will blog in Guyana, but I will blog again about my leaving because I know my thoughts aren't in quite the right order today. I have started to create a schedule for my last few days in Guyana because I know it will go by quickly and I will want to say goodbye to the people that I really care about.

Yesterday my department in Mercy Hospital had a going away party for me. I have to say that it was a very very very wonderful couple of hours and that I really enjoyed it. I received some AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING presents and they had some REALLY great food. I may seem very overly enthusiastic but really I appreciated it all from the bottom of my heart. I received a book on the country of Guyana which is beautiful and perfect and I also received matching earrings and pendent for a necklace. They are made out of Guyana gold and they are BEAUTIFUL. I think the best part about them is that they look very "Ashley". I feel like if I had to go into a store and pick out some earrings myself that those earrings are ones that I would choose.

People keep asking us about how we feel about coming home. Every time we are asked that question and I am with my roommate Sarah she always says: "It's the definition of bittersweet". I couldn't have ever put it better myself. It is SAD to be leaving a place where you have learned to call home. Guyana seems normal to me now and I love so many aspects about the country, the people and that I have done here. It's also sweet because I haven't been back to the USA since August 2010. I know that my family and friends miss me and I will be very excited to see them.


One of my co-workers was saying at my going away party how Guyana isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I will always carry part of Guyana in my heart. This is no different than how I carried part of my friends and family to Guyana with me. However, I have changed and they have change while we have been apart so although I will be able to come back to Guyana I know I will miss the person I am right this moment. I will never be exactly like the Ashley that left Minnesota in august 2010 and even if I visit Guyana I will not be the exact same person I am during these last few weeks in Guyana. I will never be able to come back to these moments and I need to be real with myself about that because with that realization I will be better able to fully appreciate my last week in Guyana.

I continue to remind myself that no matter where I go or what I do the only thing that will be constant in my life is God. I must remember to be kind to myself when I make failures and have strength to take risks when opportunities present themselves.

As Grandma Zup always said: "One day at a time"


Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.