I felt like it has been a long time since I blogged because of my weekend gone on retreat. Our retreat was a nice weekend. We spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection. It was good for me to go and think about where I had been at the beginning of my experience here and how much I have changed. The bible story that we reflected on for the weekend was from the gospel of Luke:
Jesus Calls His First Disciples
1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,[a] the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. 2 He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”
5 Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”
For me the part that stuck out the most was from verse five when Simon responds to Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I can be such a Simon telling the Lord that i'm tired and worked hard and I just don't have the faith to do more, but if He tells me to I will. Sometimes it can be really difficult to have that extra faith to try again when reason tells you not to. God is always with us whether reason tells us that or not.
I've also been doing a lot of thinking about the past year. May is the month of my birth and of my high school and college graduation. Its crazy to think it has been five years since I graduated from high school. There are so many people who shaped my life back there to make me who I am. I remember having a conversation with my good friend Steve and I told him how I really wanted to do international service at some point in my life. I told him how I didn't know if it would ever happen because I don't know what my family would think. Steve always reminded me to follow my dreams. He also always reminds me to not worry with what other people say. I sometimes worry to much about what people think about me, or if people like me. He tries to remind me that at the end of the day the only person that it really matters to is myself. If I am striving to do the best I can why should I stress so much on what other people think.
Its been a year since I graduated university and all of my friends have gone in crazy different directions. John is finishing up his year on net, Sara will soon be entering her second year of focus, Erica is finished with her classroom aspect of her clinical program, Andrea and Sam graduated from UMM, and Zach finished his first year as a teacher. Its crazy to think that a year ago we were all together. There are many people who shaped my life at UMM and I am grateful for them all. (Many not mentioned) I have many wonderful friends here in Guyana but reflecting on this is somewhat sad as I miss these people who really know the true me. They understand my dreams, goals, and frustrations. I am forever grateful for this understand that they have of me and their friendship.
This week our school Mercy Wings had its "Open Day". This was a day for other schools to come around and see the different things that we do at the school. The morning was really good because we had three schools come. I had the students explain the different computer programs that I had them working on throughout this year. The afternoon was not as successful because it started to rain really hard, and well no one here likes to go out in the rain. I hate to go out in the rain. Open day made me realize how improved my students have become at the computer. It gave me a little extra boost of confidence because it shows that all the hard work is starting to pay off.
This week at the hospital was fine. On monday it is typically really busy but this monday was quite slow. I also didn't work on wednesday because we had open day at Mercy Wings. I work on a computer program at Mercy Hospital that often times makes me quite frustrated. I was complaining about the "stupid" program and someone this week said to me: "You like to do it because deep down inside you really like to help people". (or something along those lines) Now this person doesn't really know me at all. In fact most of the time they just give me hard time but when they said that it kind of hit me and I realized he was right. No matter how much I complain about the stupid program and charts I will continue to do it because that's what I do. It makes me think of my friend Adam who would in high school who would always say: "Ashley you're too nice" all the time. Sometimes he's right, there needs to be a balance between being too nice and letting people take advantage of you and doing things for others because you enjoy being nice. I am trying to find the balance between the two.
Anyway...
On thursday my troublesome group of boys was actually extra good. I am not sure what their parents fed them that morning... but lets just hope that they are that good for the rest of the year. It was an extra blessing I was very grateful for. Thursday night was also really wonderful because our director Lisa and her new fiance came over for some chicken curry dinner. I made the chicken curry and they brought us ICE CREAM!!! I never thought I would be so excited for ice cream. :) Its the simple things that people do that can really make your day. I thought it was extra sweet that they would go out of their way to get something for us. Sweet people :)
My sister comes on TUESDAY. I am super excited for my sister to come! I know that it will be a crazy collision between my world back home and my world here but I am ready for it. My mother, grandmother, and auntie come to see me on SUNDAY (coming). I am pumped.
Today I was walking to catch a bus and I realized how most of the times when I catch a bus, or walk to a bus I end up having to go some distance in the wrong direction to get going the right direction. I also realized there is really nothing that I can do about it, it is simply the way that the mini bus routes run. This makes me think of my friend Seth because my friend Seth HATES backtracking. I also hate backtracking but I just can't help it. As these thoughts were running through my mind I thought about the fact that its kind of like life. Sometimes we feel like we are going backwards but its the only way to get moving forward again. Sometimes this is difficult to see but we just have to trust our feet beneath us and keep our head up. Its amazing how little funny thoughts can turn into teaching moments. It made me feel a lot more relaxed about a few things in my life.
Well I hope you all have a good week. I know that I will! :) Well at least I hope so! :) Be confident in hope!
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
