Congradulations Erica!!!

Hello Everyone,

Today was one of those days where I was just thinking that nothing was going to go right. The nurse was in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong thing, I couldn't find the right nurse and the doctor and patients were all giving me a hard time. I had a patient come up the steps and start complaining about how long he had been waiting and how the nurse didn't know what she was doing and I just got fed up. He came into my room and we began to talk. He had to do patient education for starting ARVs and all of a sudden we had been talking for half and hour and he made me remember that all the choas was worth the reward. We had such a great conversation and he really showed me how I shouldn't lose hope. There is always a story to be hear and something to learn.

The hospital is in transition right now and it is quite frustrating because absolutely nothing is organized. I've been frustrated a lot this week because everything is in chaos and no one really has good communcation. One staff is yelling at the next and everyone is just at the end of their rope. I lost my cool a few times this week and had to really hold myself back from being a completely mean person. It made me really put myself into check and remember how important it is to be calm in the midst of choas.  Everyone is human but it is in a time like this where the hospital and our patients need us to let go of our own selfishness and make the best out of the things we have. I really learned this lesson from my co-worker Terese who basically shoved it down my throat everytime I was begin selfish and crabby. I'm thankful that her attitude makes me see where I need to improve in my own life. She always makes my day better even when she is yelling at me. We all need friends in our lives like that - not the ones who are going to sugar coat things but the ones that are going to show us the bad so we can get rid of it!

I feel like Guyana has been EXTRA hot this week and it makes me long even more for Minnesota weather. I know I am going to complain when I get home but I just feel like I can't take the heat anymore. I love when I get to walk into a building that has AC.

I want to congradulate my best friend Erica Riestenberg for her engagement!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that one of my best friends from back home has gotten engaged and it makes me feel soo grown up! Erica has always been here for me while i've been in Guyana and I don't know what I would do without her. It's friends like her that have made me be able to stay sane! :)

I found a picture this week that I felt has really described my life lately. I may not know what I am doing or exactly who I am but it's okay. Sometimes it's the bad and hard things in life that have made me the person I am. I didn't know what I was going to do after graduation until right before graduation. God will always provide for me but I need to remember that. I need to help myself so that God will help me and I need to be faithful. Sometimes the roads that look the darkest really hold the most light. So for all of those who keep asking what i'm doing next, know that I don't know but if anything this experience has taught me it's alright, eventually it will all work out. One day at a time.

Love and prayer everyone,

Ashley Ann

Friendships, Siblings and life lessons :)

I'm pretty sure that I can't go a single day without someone walking up to me and saying: "Ohh you leave so quick don't you?", or "You're leaving just now aren't you?". I am constantly reminded that I am leaving sometime within the next 3.5 months. It's been difficult for people to be constantly reminding me because it makes me think of home so much more often than before when no one was constantly reminding me of home. It's a bitter sweet feeling because of course I am excited to see all the people I love back home but I always always always hate goodbyes.

I haven't written since Easter which feels like ages ago now. I was glad to get back to school this week and get back into the swing of things. I have this one student in particular that always makes me smile, Doris. I can be having the worst of days and Doris will come up to me and say: "Miss whaam?" (Miss, what's happening?) He is small in stature and may have some type of learning disability but what he lacks in height and intelligence he makes up for in heart. Doris is ALWAYS willing to help out.

There is another student named Kevon who is a very bright, strong, and popular young man. Doris and Kevon are always in the same class and Kevon often sticks up for Doris and doesn't like to see people picking on him. One day Doris got mad at something Kevon said and he went after him out of pure anger. Kevon pushed him back but didn't hit him very hard. After the whole situation finished Kevon said to me: "Miss don't you think if I really wanted to hit Doris he would be flat on the ground?". He was right if he would have given him one big hit Doris would have been on the ground. Kevon and I walked out of school together that day and I talked to him about how sometimes Doris just gets frustrated about how everyone else picks on him. He and I had a good chat about him and said he knew it's just he couldn't let someone come after him without at least pushing the guy away. I agreed that he was right about that point. The next time they were in school they were both in my room and I asked them if they were alright and they both said yes.

Kevon has no reason to be nice to Doris and in fact I've always been surprised at how nice he is. Kevon really taught me a lesson because sometimes when I help people and they come back and hurt me I just want to give up. Kevon had the person he sticks up for try and fight him and still was his buddy. It made me remember that my students really have big hearts. I feel like they've grown so much this school year and I can't wait to see what they are like at the end of the year.

The week after Easter we had some of the little boys over at our house and we had one set of brothers. Their names are Adrian and Joshua and they are absolutely ADORABLE. The thing about these two boys is I think I have finally found a pair of siblings like my sister and I. Joshua is the older one and he is quiet reserved but knows exactly what he wants. If Joshua wants to color a picture he will sit and color it and doesn't like other people to mess with his work. I feel a lot like Joshua. Adrian is a cute and spunky little boy. He loves to have people play with him and is a LOT more adventurous than Joshua. Joshua seems very independent where Adrian loves to have people help him. Adrian was running around the house looking at stuff and his brother always kept him in check making sure that he was well behaved. I feel like Joshua and Brittany is Adrian. Having them over made me realize how special it is to have a good relationship with my sister.

One of my favorite stories of my sister is how when we were little we shared a room for a long time growing up. My sister begged and begged for her own room and eventually she got her own room. The very first night she was in her room and I was in my room she came in and asked if she could sleep in my bed with me. She would beg and beg to sleep with me because she didn't like to be alone. I laugh now because I swear for the first year that she had her own room she would sleep in mine. Even though my sister and I are exact opposites I feel like we have a bond that most people wouldn't understand. I think it all started when my sister wanted to sleep in my bed and continues now by phone calls during life crisis and a non judgemental relationship. I am always very thankful for my sister and love her dearly.

I guess this is all for the week. Know of my love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

Jesus Christ is Risen Today!

Easter Morning we woke up bright and early and ate a breakfast of eggs and muffins before we set out to church. Every Easter I always have the hymn "Jesus Christ is risen today" stuck in my head. I can hear my grandma singing it from the choir loft all the way in South America! :) Luckily when we were walking into Mass that morning the choir was singing that as their opening song and I felt right at home.

I've always been a big fan of Easter and in fact I think that I even like Easter better than I like Christmas. Easter is a big deal at our house back home and it just doesn't feel the same being down here in South America. I did however get to do a lot of thinking with the time off that I've had.

It started on Good Friday when almost everything down here is closed and no one goes out in order to keep the reverence of the day. I did a lot of thinking about the disciples. They had been following Jesus for about three years at that time and their leader and their hope was being crucified. I think that I would feel lost, confused and completely alone. I am sure they had many doubts and were ready to just give up at some points. I think about how there are so many times here in Guyana that I just get fed up and want to quit. To have one of those moments where you are looking all around you but all you see is darkness. We can all relate to Good Friday and the hardships that we face in life.

Then we have Holy Saturday and really it's just a day of waiting. I think that often we don't think much about Holy Saturday it's just the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Yet I feel like a lot of times in life we really need to think about how often we are in the Holy Saturday position. To be between a difficult time and waiting for a response from the Lord. It's not like we ask for something to come our way and it automatically happens. We need to have faith that Easter Sunday is coming. I find myself always becoming impatient. I have completely faith that after Holy Saturday the sun will set and rise again on Easter Sunday, however, I don't always have faith that God will change my Good Friday's into Easter Sundays when I am living in the Saturday. These three days are really a lesson telling me to learn to trust. Sometimes our Holy Saturdays could last years and years or it could just be a short period of time, either way I have to have faith.

Easter Sunday of course is the resurrection! New life, rejoicing, and renewed hope are all found on this glorious day. For us the ultimate Easter Sunday would be once we have finally found ourselves in God's Kingdom but they are many other points of resurrection in our lives. As I have said before and been reminded many times by others we are Christians of Easter Sunday.

I enjoyed Easter in Guyana we went and took walks out on the Sea wall and enjoyed flying kites. Audrey took some really good pictures and I promise to put some up very soon. I enjoyed spending time at home and relaxing with my roommates. My roommate Sarah happened to be in NYC for part of this week transporting a patient back to the USA. It was hard for me to not have Sarah around all the time. I think the reason it was hard for me was because it was hard for me to actually imagine the fact that she was in the USA. I haven't been back home in about 20 months and I am still having a hard time conceptualizing that fact that I will be home at the end of august. 

I was talking to my friends the other day about sometimes it becomes difficult to describe my life in Guyana because it feels so normal. I don't feel like anything is different and that it's the exact same as my life back home. Then I talked to my family over Easter and saw my house in the background and I was really reminded that life was different. Then Sarah came home from the states and we all stayed awake talking about all the things we had forgotten about.

I've been walking around the past few days a little bit more mindful of the situations around myself. I have learned that maybe there is a lot of garbage on the streets but I've learned to overlook it and appreciate the sea breeze and beautiful sunlight. There may not be good traffic crossings but I've learned to fully use all my senses when about to cross the street and appreciate being aware of my surroundings. I've fallen in love with chaos and find a completely sense of peace in a busy and crowded market like I was sitting at home enjoying a movie.

I promise to post pictures of my Easter experience later this week!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann