Hello There!
I am writing my blog a little bit early this week because I will be going to a HINDU WEDDING TOMORROW/SATURDAY/SUNDAY/MONDAY! Who's excited.... me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to write all about it and put up awesome pictures.
This week has been kind of a roller coaster. I was pretty down on Tuesday when I had to go into work at the hospital. As I was working I was talking to a patient and he was telling me about another friend he knows who has HIV but doesn't want to start treatment. He told me he thought they didn't want to start treatment because they were ashamed to admit to themselves what was going on in their body. He said they have a choice they can choose life or they can choose death. He says: "I choose life". It really hit me, sometimes we are the ones inhibiting ourselves from choosing life. I was thinking about a verse in the book of Deuteronomy which reminded me of this: "Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!" This patient helped me much more than I could have ever helped him. Choose the good even though sometimes our human nature likes to wallow in the bad.
That afternoon I saw another patient who is one of my favorites. He said that last time he came into clinic he was looking for me but he couldn't find me. I was really happy to hear an update on his life and just chat with him. He was doing MUCH better than the last time I saw him and to me it was such a relief to see improvements in someone when sometimes all I see is the bad.
After that I thought my depressed mood would surpass but once I walked out of work it slowly started creeping back up on me. I don't know what it was. We went out for dinner with Sarah's friends Phillip and Marie who are visiting from the states. It was really great to have a chance to go and have a nice dinner with beautiful company. Marie and Phillip are a married couple and they reminded me by their love for each other God's love for us. I think they are a perfect example of living love to others. After dinner we ended up going to a rum shop with our friend Ryan who Audrey and I taught computer class with. It was fun and eventually we ended up at Karaoke. I sang complicated by Avril Lavigne. I am normally not the one to sing, but it was fun I guess.
Last night I still was in a sour mood when Audrey and I went over to a friends house just for fun. Audrey made dinner for us all and when she came back from the grocery store she brought me a surprise - CHEESE! I felt better knowing that someone knows the small things in life that can bring you joy. I am very blessed to have such wonderful community members.
Today I met with my student who took me to get my hand done in henna and to buy a Shari for the wedding. When I got home I did some stuff to get ready for the school year and then had a chat with a friend. I don't know what it was but that person always has the ability to bring peace into my life no matter how stressful I feel. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I am glad to say that I now feel much better. Bad feelings gone!
I was thinking about how it is now the end of our community of three and into our community of four. I was to thank Audrey and Sarah for all of the grace they have given me this year. We have stood united through so many different trials and it is because of them that I am a better person that I was a year ago. I came into MVC praying that we would get along - and now I am thanking God for two of my best friends.
I think of them as family because we stand untied. I sometimes hate the phrase: "Well its their life, whatever is best for them is best for them." Families and communities need to stand untied on decisions. If they don't stand together there is going to be tension and anger. If we were were all just islands - it would be fine - but our decisions impact other people and we need to be conscious of this. Sometimes we are unwilling to listen to other people and understand their perspective. A family divided only breeds hate - not love. Make decisions based on whats best for everyone in the situation and remember to listen, we all have problems with listening. Speak your truth, listen to the truth of others and be open to a new outcome.
Can't wait to tell you about my Hindu experience!!
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
Whatsoever you do to the least of My people, that you do unto Me.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Summer Classes Finished!!
Friends and Family,
Hello! I greet you after one very long week. Last weekend I went to Santa Rosa with three of my friends. Santa Rosa is an Amerindian village in the interior. We left on Saturday morning at 6am and returned home monday morning. Our trip was really fun and relaxing. Santa Rosa is a village where there is both beautiful savannah and yet jungle! When we arrived at Santa Rosa we relaxed and went over to the village police. We met up with some friends and had a "bush cook" - we threw a bunch of stuff in a pot and cooked it. It was a fun evening where we all sat around cooked and ate.
The next day I got up and went to church at the mission church. It was really cool to see the church and all of the people there. The rest of the day was spent walking around the area, talking a nap, drinking a coconut water, opening up a coconut, and visiting my friend who I work with.
The next morning we had to leave Santa Rosa at 5:30 am because that is the only time that the boats leave. We had to take a boat, then a taxi, then another boat and then a bus. I felt like I was on a crazy adventure.
I don't have very many details for my trip other than it was just really great to get away. My co-worker/friend Marietta who grew up in Santa Rosa showed us a good time. I went by her house and she was joking with me that they have so many avacado's dropping from their trees that they throw them at the dogs for fun. :) They fed me an entire avacado and some kassava bread for dinner! Interesting combination.
As I laid in bed sunday night waiting to come back to Georgetown I felt a little bit anxious. I was ready to come back and be home. It made me feel really good because it made me realize that I really do feel at home in Georgetown. I don't feel like I need to go away anywhere - rather I find my peace exactly where I am. It was a good reassurance for me that I am where I am meant to be. We don't always find that peace in life so I am very thankful for this. Georgetown will always have a special place in my heart....
I had two last computer classes to teach and then the summer classes were finished! I was glad to finish the summer classes but now I am just realizing that just means I need to start preparing for the school year again! Before I know it September 5th will be here. Audrey and I taught the summer computer classes together and I wanted to take a moment to talk about how much I appreciate that. Audrey and I have had to both live together and work together for the past four weeks. Many times when you spend that much time with a person you find yourself getting frustrated and annoyed. Audrey and I have a very beautiful gift of being able to see the needs of others and being able to know what the other person needs. This is something that I would have never guessed because Audrey and I are exactly opposite in personality. I will always be thankful for the love and compassion she shows me on a daily basis which has allowed us to work so closely together without any problems! :)
At the hospital this week work was VERY SLOW. I don't know if it is because so many doctors are taking vacations or what - but I barely saw any patients this week. I did end up having a lot of very good conversations with my co-workers though. One day my co-workers were talking about how much we need to trust God and it was a really good motivation for me. Some of them have had to be so trusting just to get basic needs for their own families. I realize now how much doubt can inhibit our faith. Do we really believe that God will provide for us - or is it something that we are trained to say and tell ourselves. If we really believe that He will provide in a time for need why are we always so anxious about what is coming next. I feel like I am starting to learn that to truly overcome to obstacles of doubt we must learn to let go of this anxiety and be confident in hope. For me this seems impossible - but it's a process right. Let go, Let go, Let go.
Friday the orphanage boys had a sports day put on by food for the poor. Audrey and I went when we had finished teaching classes. My job was basically to take the boys to the bathroom, tie shoes, and do other things that were needed. It made me feel a lot like a mother with the ability to be able to go home at the end of a day. I really love those boys and enjoy all the time I spend with them. I feel like the more I see them the more they let down their guard and come running to you. I really enjoy being able to feel completely at ease with so many of them. When I was there some little girls came running up to me for attention while I was with the boys. I helped the little girl go wash her hands and then chatted with her. It made me realize how many children all over are just starved for attention. Just a little bit of love goes a long way - Oh but make sure you wear clothes that can get dirty... small children like to put ice cream all over their hands and then hug you.
The heat here has been very intense lately. I can't wait for the month of august to pass by and for it to begin to cool down. I don't know how accurate the weather readings are here but today it said that it felt like 104 degrees at 10:30 am. I was so hot all day and felt like I could never cool down.
Last night I went with Audrey to the Movado concert. It was a good night - I enjoy going to concerts but it is always kind of disappointing when the main artist don't sound nearly as good as you think they should. In the end it was a good night had by all. Vybz (pronounced: Vibes) Kartell was suppose to also be one of the main artists appearing at the concert. Unfortunately he ended up not coming to Guyana. This is actually the third time this has happened and I can't believe he did it again. Many people that I knew were really disappointed and ended up not going and waiting for a refund on their ticket on monday.
Anyway today I got to spend a good amount of time talking with friends and family. I got to talk to a lot of my good friends from highschool and it was a huge blessing. Talking with them makes me realize how much I have changed and also helps to ground me back to earth. Its always a good feeling to talk with someone and feel as if no time has passed by. Friendships like that are always a huge blessing.
Anyway - I hope you all have a blessed week. Please continue to pray for us as we are almost at our year mark of this journey in Guyana. Thoughts and prayers go out to you!
Love always -
Ashley Ann
Hello! I greet you after one very long week. Last weekend I went to Santa Rosa with three of my friends. Santa Rosa is an Amerindian village in the interior. We left on Saturday morning at 6am and returned home monday morning. Our trip was really fun and relaxing. Santa Rosa is a village where there is both beautiful savannah and yet jungle! When we arrived at Santa Rosa we relaxed and went over to the village police. We met up with some friends and had a "bush cook" - we threw a bunch of stuff in a pot and cooked it. It was a fun evening where we all sat around cooked and ate.
The next day I got up and went to church at the mission church. It was really cool to see the church and all of the people there. The rest of the day was spent walking around the area, talking a nap, drinking a coconut water, opening up a coconut, and visiting my friend who I work with.
The next morning we had to leave Santa Rosa at 5:30 am because that is the only time that the boats leave. We had to take a boat, then a taxi, then another boat and then a bus. I felt like I was on a crazy adventure.
I don't have very many details for my trip other than it was just really great to get away. My co-worker/friend Marietta who grew up in Santa Rosa showed us a good time. I went by her house and she was joking with me that they have so many avacado's dropping from their trees that they throw them at the dogs for fun. :) They fed me an entire avacado and some kassava bread for dinner! Interesting combination.
As I laid in bed sunday night waiting to come back to Georgetown I felt a little bit anxious. I was ready to come back and be home. It made me feel really good because it made me realize that I really do feel at home in Georgetown. I don't feel like I need to go away anywhere - rather I find my peace exactly where I am. It was a good reassurance for me that I am where I am meant to be. We don't always find that peace in life so I am very thankful for this. Georgetown will always have a special place in my heart....
I had two last computer classes to teach and then the summer classes were finished! I was glad to finish the summer classes but now I am just realizing that just means I need to start preparing for the school year again! Before I know it September 5th will be here. Audrey and I taught the summer computer classes together and I wanted to take a moment to talk about how much I appreciate that. Audrey and I have had to both live together and work together for the past four weeks. Many times when you spend that much time with a person you find yourself getting frustrated and annoyed. Audrey and I have a very beautiful gift of being able to see the needs of others and being able to know what the other person needs. This is something that I would have never guessed because Audrey and I are exactly opposite in personality. I will always be thankful for the love and compassion she shows me on a daily basis which has allowed us to work so closely together without any problems! :)
At the hospital this week work was VERY SLOW. I don't know if it is because so many doctors are taking vacations or what - but I barely saw any patients this week. I did end up having a lot of very good conversations with my co-workers though. One day my co-workers were talking about how much we need to trust God and it was a really good motivation for me. Some of them have had to be so trusting just to get basic needs for their own families. I realize now how much doubt can inhibit our faith. Do we really believe that God will provide for us - or is it something that we are trained to say and tell ourselves. If we really believe that He will provide in a time for need why are we always so anxious about what is coming next. I feel like I am starting to learn that to truly overcome to obstacles of doubt we must learn to let go of this anxiety and be confident in hope. For me this seems impossible - but it's a process right. Let go, Let go, Let go.
Friday the orphanage boys had a sports day put on by food for the poor. Audrey and I went when we had finished teaching classes. My job was basically to take the boys to the bathroom, tie shoes, and do other things that were needed. It made me feel a lot like a mother with the ability to be able to go home at the end of a day. I really love those boys and enjoy all the time I spend with them. I feel like the more I see them the more they let down their guard and come running to you. I really enjoy being able to feel completely at ease with so many of them. When I was there some little girls came running up to me for attention while I was with the boys. I helped the little girl go wash her hands and then chatted with her. It made me realize how many children all over are just starved for attention. Just a little bit of love goes a long way - Oh but make sure you wear clothes that can get dirty... small children like to put ice cream all over their hands and then hug you.
The heat here has been very intense lately. I can't wait for the month of august to pass by and for it to begin to cool down. I don't know how accurate the weather readings are here but today it said that it felt like 104 degrees at 10:30 am. I was so hot all day and felt like I could never cool down.
Last night I went with Audrey to the Movado concert. It was a good night - I enjoy going to concerts but it is always kind of disappointing when the main artist don't sound nearly as good as you think they should. In the end it was a good night had by all. Vybz (pronounced: Vibes) Kartell was suppose to also be one of the main artists appearing at the concert. Unfortunately he ended up not coming to Guyana. This is actually the third time this has happened and I can't believe he did it again. Many people that I knew were really disappointed and ended up not going and waiting for a refund on their ticket on monday.
Anyway today I got to spend a good amount of time talking with friends and family. I got to talk to a lot of my good friends from highschool and it was a huge blessing. Talking with them makes me realize how much I have changed and also helps to ground me back to earth. Its always a good feeling to talk with someone and feel as if no time has passed by. Friendships like that are always a huge blessing.
Anyway - I hope you all have a blessed week. Please continue to pray for us as we are almost at our year mark of this journey in Guyana. Thoughts and prayers go out to you!
Love always -
Ashley Ann
Friday, August 12, 2011
Jumping railings and sweet bruises
Hola,
I feel like everyday in August gets hotter, and I hear I am not alone in this! Its crazy to think that back home summer vacation is almost over when I am just about to get a short break when summer classes finish next week.
Last weekend I chilled at home on friday night, saturday I went around town and did errands, church and went out with Sarah and Audrey. Sunday was a good day at the house just chilling out. I tried to make my grandma's saturday soup - it turned out alright, the only thing is that I added too many tomatoes, but the dumplings turned out good! :)
This week while working at the hospital I had to stay late on Wednesday to help out with the evening clinic. I was a little tired out and didn't really feel excited about staying. I saw a couple patients and then when the next came in I was completely out of energy. I asked the person about their doctor visit they began to speak and didn't stop for a very long time. I would have thought that this would have drained my energy more than helped it - but for some reason listening to him gave me a second wind. I then thought to myself if I hadn't volunteered to stay and rather left at my normal time I would have never been able to get back this second wind. It made me very conscious of the small decision we make in life that can either make or break our day. After that each client had the same effect and by the time I was finished I felt better than when I had started the day. Sometime I wonder why I doubt myself or my energy so much - in the end it always ends up working out.
I do have a funny story to go with my work this day. When I finished working I realized my boss had locked up without saying goodbye to me, which is very odd. When I go and look I realized he locked my purse inside of his office. I ended up having to jump over a railing and try to open the office window to get my purse. In the end I was left with a very large bruise and no purse. Don't worry my other boss was the one who encouraged me to try this method so I was not in any trouble. At the end of the day someone had to come back to the office to let me in. I had some papers that I needed right away the next morning in the office so we had to get in. :) Oh life.
The summer computer class that I am teaching is still continuing to go well. I enjoy the slow pace that we are able to go at and I really enjoy working with young children. Next week friday the last finishes and when that happens I will be sad to see them go but at the same time I will be happy to have a week off!
I've been reflecting a lot this week on public transportation and the amount of time it takes to get places. Audrey and I leave the house at 7:30 each morning and reach work at about 8:30 each morning. So many things happen in that hour while we are on the bus and walking... we see people we know, we talk with people on the bus, we sit and observe the scenery. I realize that this time of the day is what gives me the opportunity to think through and reflect on my previous day. For some strange reason I really enjoy my daily commute. I always find myself fascinated by people and the craziness that goes on. I realize that if I had to do this forever I would get mighty sick of it, however for now I have learned to enjoy something that I just can't avoid.
This weekend or Sat/Sun/Mon I am taking a trip into the interior with some of my friends. I am excited to get a chance to get away from the noise of Georgetown. I realize this week that when I wake up at 5 am I really enjoy just laying in bed and listening to the silent of the city. I know that shortly the dogs will start barking or the chickens a couple houses down will start to make crazy noises. After that the cars and buses will start to drive by and honk continuously. Georgetown will never be known for being quiet - that is something I am sure of. I have had to learn to find the silence among the chaos. I do miss the silence because I feel like silence is healing for my soul - In the silent of our hearts God speaks and sometimes there are just too many noises to focus on anything.
Have a blessed week,
Ashley Ann
I feel like everyday in August gets hotter, and I hear I am not alone in this! Its crazy to think that back home summer vacation is almost over when I am just about to get a short break when summer classes finish next week.
Last weekend I chilled at home on friday night, saturday I went around town and did errands, church and went out with Sarah and Audrey. Sunday was a good day at the house just chilling out. I tried to make my grandma's saturday soup - it turned out alright, the only thing is that I added too many tomatoes, but the dumplings turned out good! :)
This week while working at the hospital I had to stay late on Wednesday to help out with the evening clinic. I was a little tired out and didn't really feel excited about staying. I saw a couple patients and then when the next came in I was completely out of energy. I asked the person about their doctor visit they began to speak and didn't stop for a very long time. I would have thought that this would have drained my energy more than helped it - but for some reason listening to him gave me a second wind. I then thought to myself if I hadn't volunteered to stay and rather left at my normal time I would have never been able to get back this second wind. It made me very conscious of the small decision we make in life that can either make or break our day. After that each client had the same effect and by the time I was finished I felt better than when I had started the day. Sometime I wonder why I doubt myself or my energy so much - in the end it always ends up working out.
I do have a funny story to go with my work this day. When I finished working I realized my boss had locked up without saying goodbye to me, which is very odd. When I go and look I realized he locked my purse inside of his office. I ended up having to jump over a railing and try to open the office window to get my purse. In the end I was left with a very large bruise and no purse. Don't worry my other boss was the one who encouraged me to try this method so I was not in any trouble. At the end of the day someone had to come back to the office to let me in. I had some papers that I needed right away the next morning in the office so we had to get in. :) Oh life.
The summer computer class that I am teaching is still continuing to go well. I enjoy the slow pace that we are able to go at and I really enjoy working with young children. Next week friday the last finishes and when that happens I will be sad to see them go but at the same time I will be happy to have a week off!
I've been reflecting a lot this week on public transportation and the amount of time it takes to get places. Audrey and I leave the house at 7:30 each morning and reach work at about 8:30 each morning. So many things happen in that hour while we are on the bus and walking... we see people we know, we talk with people on the bus, we sit and observe the scenery. I realize that this time of the day is what gives me the opportunity to think through and reflect on my previous day. For some strange reason I really enjoy my daily commute. I always find myself fascinated by people and the craziness that goes on. I realize that if I had to do this forever I would get mighty sick of it, however for now I have learned to enjoy something that I just can't avoid.
This weekend or Sat/Sun/Mon I am taking a trip into the interior with some of my friends. I am excited to get a chance to get away from the noise of Georgetown. I realize this week that when I wake up at 5 am I really enjoy just laying in bed and listening to the silent of the city. I know that shortly the dogs will start barking or the chickens a couple houses down will start to make crazy noises. After that the cars and buses will start to drive by and honk continuously. Georgetown will never be known for being quiet - that is something I am sure of. I have had to learn to find the silence among the chaos. I do miss the silence because I feel like silence is healing for my soul - In the silent of our hearts God speaks and sometimes there are just too many noises to focus on anything.
Have a blessed week,
Ashley Ann
Friday, August 5, 2011
Long way to town
Hello All,
Another week has quickly passed. I am glad to be coming to you in good health and spirits. I hope the same goes for all of you! :)
Last weekend I am not quite sure where I left you, but I indeed had a fun weekend. I went out with a couple of friends on friday night. It was a really laid back night which was needed. One of my friends in the group was going to be leaving the country soon so it was good to spend time with him. Saturday we had a crazy wind/rain storm which left our yard slightly flooded. I ended up staying in the house until the late afternoon where I went to town and then to Mass. Sunday I spent the day hanging with some good friends. We spent the whole day talking, cooking and eating! :) It was really good to get out of the house and just have a laid back day. Sunday night we went out to the sea wall. We ended up staying out quite late because Monday was once again a national holiday. :)
Monday was emancipation day. They had a large event in the national park with lots of African dancing, food and craft. I went with a couple of my friends and we had a good time walking through. When we got into the stadium where they had the dancing the president was there. We ended up taking a picture with the president. I thought it would have been really exciting but it was just like seeing any other person. He didn't have as much security as you would have thought and anyone who wanted to could just walk up to him. Interesting difference?!
Tuesday after working we ended up having some of the orphanage boys stay the night at our house again. They are always really sweet but a lot of energy. It is good to get them out of the orphanage and give them some good one on one attention.
On wednesday this week I got on a bus which was suppose to bring me to the big market in town, Stabroek Market, I ended up somewhere near there but at the gas station filling up. I had to laugh to myself because there was no warning, no indication just a random series of turns and then a stop to fill up. It ended up being convienent for me because I was able to catch the bus to take me home from right across the street. Later that day I ended up having to go back to the big market to meet a friend. I caught another bus which was strangely filled with LARGE quanities of vegetables. When we were halfway to the big market we made another series of turns and ended up at another market called Bourda market. I just laughed as they unloaded all of the stuff and then put us back in to get to our real destination. I was really frustrated at first but then I had to remind myself I will get where I need to go, its just a little bit longer, and a little bit more comical.
Mini buses can be crazy :)
Yesterday Audrey and I ended up taking a small adventure to the city Bartica. To get there you have to take a bus/car to one city and then catch at one hour boat ride to another city. The trip itself was fine. When we got there our other friend who was with us had to go do some work at the hospital so we went and sat by the river. It was really peaceful and calming to go and sit by the water. We walked around the city when our friend finished work and then ended up eating lunch and heading back home. The last 20 minutes of the boat ride were SUPER rough. When were were in the last 30 seconds or so Audrey says to me: Waters more rough than this morning. I couldn't help but laugh - it was like she just had noticed what was really going on although we had been tossed around the boat for the last 20 minutes. I make fun of her out of love, and also out of the fact that I wasn't the one who had to go to the bathroom when the boat was throwing us around... :) Don't worry she made it!
Today I have just finished work and am not sure what the weekend will bring. I really enjoy living life without too many plans. If I ever have to, which I know I will, I will have a hard time with a planner style life.
August 4th was both my cousin Aaron's birthday and the feast of St. John Vianney. I went to daily mass to remember my two friends who are both about to enter into their last year of seminary. The priest emphasized the importance of confession during his homily. St. John Vianney was known for sitting in the confessional for 12+ hours and people would travel from all over to have their confessions heard by him. I sometimes forget the beauty of the priest, the sacraments, and the dedication. I need to stop seeing life and church as something on sunday and remember it throughout the week.
I missed my cousin Aaron on his birthday! I spent a lot of time with him while we were growing up. I could write a ton of embarrassing stories on here - but I could never do him that. :) I remember him giving me copious amounts of catching gear and making me catch balls while he pitched to me, creating duct tape ladders on the driveway so he could train from hockey, playing goalie and countless other random activies that allowed him to practice his sports. If he ever goes professional in anything he owes me one. :)
For now - this is all. Almost to the one year mark!!! Less than one month away. Please pray for Meg Eckart our new community member who will be joining us soon!!
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
Another week has quickly passed. I am glad to be coming to you in good health and spirits. I hope the same goes for all of you! :)
Last weekend I am not quite sure where I left you, but I indeed had a fun weekend. I went out with a couple of friends on friday night. It was a really laid back night which was needed. One of my friends in the group was going to be leaving the country soon so it was good to spend time with him. Saturday we had a crazy wind/rain storm which left our yard slightly flooded. I ended up staying in the house until the late afternoon where I went to town and then to Mass. Sunday I spent the day hanging with some good friends. We spent the whole day talking, cooking and eating! :) It was really good to get out of the house and just have a laid back day. Sunday night we went out to the sea wall. We ended up staying out quite late because Monday was once again a national holiday. :)
Monday was emancipation day. They had a large event in the national park with lots of African dancing, food and craft. I went with a couple of my friends and we had a good time walking through. When we got into the stadium where they had the dancing the president was there. We ended up taking a picture with the president. I thought it would have been really exciting but it was just like seeing any other person. He didn't have as much security as you would have thought and anyone who wanted to could just walk up to him. Interesting difference?!
Tuesday after working we ended up having some of the orphanage boys stay the night at our house again. They are always really sweet but a lot of energy. It is good to get them out of the orphanage and give them some good one on one attention.
On wednesday this week I got on a bus which was suppose to bring me to the big market in town, Stabroek Market, I ended up somewhere near there but at the gas station filling up. I had to laugh to myself because there was no warning, no indication just a random series of turns and then a stop to fill up. It ended up being convienent for me because I was able to catch the bus to take me home from right across the street. Later that day I ended up having to go back to the big market to meet a friend. I caught another bus which was strangely filled with LARGE quanities of vegetables. When we were halfway to the big market we made another series of turns and ended up at another market called Bourda market. I just laughed as they unloaded all of the stuff and then put us back in to get to our real destination. I was really frustrated at first but then I had to remind myself I will get where I need to go, its just a little bit longer, and a little bit more comical.
Mini buses can be crazy :)
Yesterday Audrey and I ended up taking a small adventure to the city Bartica. To get there you have to take a bus/car to one city and then catch at one hour boat ride to another city. The trip itself was fine. When we got there our other friend who was with us had to go do some work at the hospital so we went and sat by the river. It was really peaceful and calming to go and sit by the water. We walked around the city when our friend finished work and then ended up eating lunch and heading back home. The last 20 minutes of the boat ride were SUPER rough. When were were in the last 30 seconds or so Audrey says to me: Waters more rough than this morning. I couldn't help but laugh - it was like she just had noticed what was really going on although we had been tossed around the boat for the last 20 minutes. I make fun of her out of love, and also out of the fact that I wasn't the one who had to go to the bathroom when the boat was throwing us around... :) Don't worry she made it!
Today I have just finished work and am not sure what the weekend will bring. I really enjoy living life without too many plans. If I ever have to, which I know I will, I will have a hard time with a planner style life.
August 4th was both my cousin Aaron's birthday and the feast of St. John Vianney. I went to daily mass to remember my two friends who are both about to enter into their last year of seminary. The priest emphasized the importance of confession during his homily. St. John Vianney was known for sitting in the confessional for 12+ hours and people would travel from all over to have their confessions heard by him. I sometimes forget the beauty of the priest, the sacraments, and the dedication. I need to stop seeing life and church as something on sunday and remember it throughout the week.
I missed my cousin Aaron on his birthday! I spent a lot of time with him while we were growing up. I could write a ton of embarrassing stories on here - but I could never do him that. :) I remember him giving me copious amounts of catching gear and making me catch balls while he pitched to me, creating duct tape ladders on the driveway so he could train from hockey, playing goalie and countless other random activies that allowed him to practice his sports. If he ever goes professional in anything he owes me one. :)
For now - this is all. Almost to the one year mark!!! Less than one month away. Please pray for Meg Eckart our new community member who will be joining us soon!!
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Forgive them anyway.
Friends and Family,
This week seems like it has gone by in the blink of an eye. Last weekend I ended up going out with Sarah and Audrey on friday night and sleeping on saturday! It was a fun weekend that was really laid back and relaxed. On Sunday I took a day trip to a town called Parika with Ms. Marietta a mercy associate who lives with the Sisters. She wanted to show me a couple things in the area. The bus ride there was nice - I miss driving sometimes. Parika has a large boat harbor because it is on the Essiquibo river. This is one of the two major rivers in Guyana and is one of the larger rivers of South America. We saw the boats and she showed me the different places where I could get on the boats to go to different areas of the country.
When I got back to Georgetown I ended up going and visiting a few friends. My friend who has been in the bus accident last week passed by my house to visit with me. Seeing them was a really huge blessing. Although I had known that they were alright, I had heard their voice - I still didn't have the closure of actually seeing them alive and well.
Audrey and I have begun teaching a summer computer class together in Sophia at Mercy Wings. We are teaching with another man from the UK - his name is Ryan. It has been a good adventure so far. There are about 13 students in our first class and 7 in our second. We have all been taking turns teaching which makes things a lot easier than being responsible for teaching every lesson. I do like teaching but I feel like I am in need of a break! :) Ryan is new here so his energy is helping push forward the class at a good pace.
Working at the hospital this week was really slow and really crazy. It seemed like the saying when it rains it pours was very true this week. On tuesday when I was at the hospital we had VERY FEW patients and I ended up going home a little bit early because there was nothing for us to do. Friday I ended up going in during the afternoon to help out because things were going to be CRAZY, and they were. I just laughed to myself at the end of the exhausting day on friday. Sometimes that's just how life goes right.
We had one of our friends over for dinner this week, pizza and beer! When he came over and we were about to eat he was waiting for us to serve up the pizza. At that point we realized how there are still some small cultural differences that we forget about. Back home you would almost always know to help yourself and especially after being told, where as here people almost always serve you when you are eating at their house. mmmm just writing this blog makes me crave pizza again! Such a treat!
I know that I have posted this poem on my blog again - but it really has helped me this week:
This week I had a long mental debate whether or not to give someone the benefit of the doubt. With all of my being I wanted to be mad and angry at the person who had wronged me, but I just didn't have it within myself. I don't know what it is but I sometimes have a really hard time holding a grudge. (sometimes) Then I reminded myself that - they said sorry - so I should forgive them. God doesn't think about forgiving me when I say sorry, he forgives me. Why do I need to think that I am more important than God to continue to hold a grudge?! I kept re-reading this poem this week to remind myself that at the end of the day it is between me and God. Life here can be tough, people can wrong you and hurt you even when you have given them your best. When this happens all I want to do is to get vexed and yell back - not call them - and push them out of my life. However, Mother Teresa reminds me that is not what Christ would do. Life is too short to stay mad. Life is too short to be bitter. Yes I have many lessons to still learn about this and people in my life who I still need to forgive, but I do feel like life here is teaching me a lesson in this. Always repeating to myself: "One day at a time".
I hope you all have a good week :)
Ashley Ann
This week seems like it has gone by in the blink of an eye. Last weekend I ended up going out with Sarah and Audrey on friday night and sleeping on saturday! It was a fun weekend that was really laid back and relaxed. On Sunday I took a day trip to a town called Parika with Ms. Marietta a mercy associate who lives with the Sisters. She wanted to show me a couple things in the area. The bus ride there was nice - I miss driving sometimes. Parika has a large boat harbor because it is on the Essiquibo river. This is one of the two major rivers in Guyana and is one of the larger rivers of South America. We saw the boats and she showed me the different places where I could get on the boats to go to different areas of the country.
When I got back to Georgetown I ended up going and visiting a few friends. My friend who has been in the bus accident last week passed by my house to visit with me. Seeing them was a really huge blessing. Although I had known that they were alright, I had heard their voice - I still didn't have the closure of actually seeing them alive and well.
Audrey and I have begun teaching a summer computer class together in Sophia at Mercy Wings. We are teaching with another man from the UK - his name is Ryan. It has been a good adventure so far. There are about 13 students in our first class and 7 in our second. We have all been taking turns teaching which makes things a lot easier than being responsible for teaching every lesson. I do like teaching but I feel like I am in need of a break! :) Ryan is new here so his energy is helping push forward the class at a good pace.
Working at the hospital this week was really slow and really crazy. It seemed like the saying when it rains it pours was very true this week. On tuesday when I was at the hospital we had VERY FEW patients and I ended up going home a little bit early because there was nothing for us to do. Friday I ended up going in during the afternoon to help out because things were going to be CRAZY, and they were. I just laughed to myself at the end of the exhausting day on friday. Sometimes that's just how life goes right.
We had one of our friends over for dinner this week, pizza and beer! When he came over and we were about to eat he was waiting for us to serve up the pizza. At that point we realized how there are still some small cultural differences that we forget about. Back home you would almost always know to help yourself and especially after being told, where as here people almost always serve you when you are eating at their house. mmmm just writing this blog makes me crave pizza again! Such a treat!
I know that I have posted this poem on my blog again - but it really has helped me this week:
Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
This week I had a long mental debate whether or not to give someone the benefit of the doubt. With all of my being I wanted to be mad and angry at the person who had wronged me, but I just didn't have it within myself. I don't know what it is but I sometimes have a really hard time holding a grudge. (sometimes) Then I reminded myself that - they said sorry - so I should forgive them. God doesn't think about forgiving me when I say sorry, he forgives me. Why do I need to think that I am more important than God to continue to hold a grudge?! I kept re-reading this poem this week to remind myself that at the end of the day it is between me and God. Life here can be tough, people can wrong you and hurt you even when you have given them your best. When this happens all I want to do is to get vexed and yell back - not call them - and push them out of my life. However, Mother Teresa reminds me that is not what Christ would do. Life is too short to stay mad. Life is too short to be bitter. Yes I have many lessons to still learn about this and people in my life who I still need to forgive, but I do feel like life here is teaching me a lesson in this. Always repeating to myself: "One day at a time".
I hope you all have a good week :)
Ashley Ann
Friday, July 22, 2011
Getting Lost, Being Lost, and Letting Go
Dear Friends and Family,
Hello! I hope that you all have had a very splendid week. I feel like this blog post will be long as I currently have a lot of thoughts running through my head. I might as well get started.
Last weekend on friday afternoon we left for camp!! The camp that we went to was up the linden highway and is called camp Kayouka. When we arrived at camp we discussed the basic ground rules and then had "tea". (Tea + snacks) That night was a low key night for us to get settled in and just mingle with each other. At first I have to admit I was kind of intimidated by the fact that I didn't know very many people. I didn't want to spend all of my time talking with Sarah and Audrey but I also wasn't the one to go out and just start talking to new people. My friend and co-worker Niall was on the trip so he helped to introduce me to a number of people.
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early to pray the Angelus and then begin the day with a morning exercise. We took a long walk to the sand pits near the camp, on the way we got a little bit lost. Audrey also got lost with one other person for about fifteen minutes, I guess there was one perk to standing out in the crowd everyone noticed when the "third white girl" went missing. :) Leave it up to Audrey to get lost. The day consisted of learning how to dance, learning about music and its impact on our life, lunch, prayer, and FUN! The evening continued with dinner, games, and some adoration. After adoration we closed of the night with a Bon Fire. There were some fun skits put on by different people including a "Miss World Contest". This competition consisted of only males!! HAHA
Sunday we got up for prayer, had a session on nutrition and then had Mass with Bishop. After Mass we had some free time and then we were on our way back home. My mind was conflicted throughout the entire camp because I was expecting to go into camp and be encourage to grow in my faith. I don't want to say that we didn't take time to pray because we did, however, very few of our sessions were actually on anything faith related. It made it seem more like a camp that prays rather than a camp that is meant to be specifically for Catholic youth.
I met a lot of interesting people at camp which was good. I sometimes get so trapped in the same old routine doing the same thing. It was a very short period of time but I hope that I am able to continue some of the friendship that I made over camp. I have seen someone from camp almost every day since we left just randomly on the street. It made me realize how Georgetown can actually have a small town feel. And well I know if you went to camp your question is: "Who's your camp crush?!" Because well of course when you were little and you went to camp you always had to find a boy to be a camp crush right?! When I was little I remember one of my best friends was CONVINCED she was going to marry her camp crush. Maybe i've grown up a little bit because yes there were cute boys at camp, and I may have had a small crush - but I didn't walk away thinking any of them were going to be my future husband... sigh... maybe next camp :)
Coming back from camp the week quickly became stressful. One of the mini buses that I regularly take was in an accident. Now the accident was because of a blown tire and could happen anywhere in the world, but the bad part about it was that one of my good friends was on the bus. I got a message from a friend saying there was a bus accident and I knew my friend could possibly have been on that bus. The minute I got the message I called my friend from my house and could hear chaos going on, they then told me how they were at the public hospital in a lot of pain and they weren't sure what was going to happen them. Their phone then cut off and I was left stress, confused and upset. Audrey and I called another mutual friend who took us to the hospital. After much waiting we found out our friend had been cleared by the doctors and was put in the ward for monitoring but was going to make it. I didn't sleep well that night, or the next but after a while the stress started to dissipate. I feel like sometimes it takes moments like these in our lives to make us really appreciate people, or even the fact that we are alive. Five people died in the bus accident and many were injured. I thought for a long time whether to write this in my blog or not - but I realized that this was one of the most real experiences I have had since being here. No matter where you are in the world accidents are going to happen, lives are going to be lost because of something that in an ideal world could have been prevent, and we have to remember that we never know when it will be our time to leave this world. Life is precious and fragile - - I read a quote this week that said: “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” -- This experience has reminded me that I need to tell those that I love how much they really mean to me. :)
I noticed that one person who I regularly see keep saying to me: "Miss you look lost". I realized how observant other people can be and how sometimes we just can't hide how we feel. It was a little bit of sunshine in the few days of frustration when I was reminded that there always people who care. :) Sometimes all it takes is for someone to notice that we are lost - to be found again. I still feel a little lost but things are coming back into place. :)
Anyway - Graduation was on Wednesday. It was a really good ceremony. I hope to put up pictures on my next blog post. I would like to share about one student who really impressed me. Her name is Naameshwari and when she first came into this school she could barley do her alphabet. When they announced the number one student in her section, child care, it was HER! I was so impressed by her. She would spend all of her time trying to become a better person by really diving into her education. I never once heard her complain about the fact that she had an unfair life, that she wasn't good enough, or that she couldn't do it. She always had a smile on her face and she faced anything we threw at her with a perseverance that helped her accomplish every task. I will miss her dearly - not only for the passion she brought into the classroom but for all the life lessons she taught me. She reminded me weekly to be humble and speak softly. I pray she is able to continue bettering herself in the future - I will truly miss her. I have to let go and just watch now...
Wednesday night after graduation we had the schools prom. It was fun to see everyone dressed up and looking beautiful. I will make sure to put up pictures so that you are able to see. There was plenty of dancing and fun had by all. I was really glad that I was able to share that night with my students as an ending to the year.
The past two days have been laid back at work - finishing reports and setting up lesson plans and such for next year. I have a lot of work to get done this summer in preparation for next year but at least I won't have a class to teach at the same time. I haven't been to the hospital at all really this week because of how busy we have been at school. Next week I will get back into a regular routine - MWF teaching a summer computer course in Sophia (at the training centre) and T Th at the hosiptal doing my typical counseling.
Have a good week - Take one day at a time - Every day is a good day, just some are better than other.
Love,
Ashley Ann
Hello! I hope that you all have had a very splendid week. I feel like this blog post will be long as I currently have a lot of thoughts running through my head. I might as well get started.
Last weekend on friday afternoon we left for camp!! The camp that we went to was up the linden highway and is called camp Kayouka. When we arrived at camp we discussed the basic ground rules and then had "tea". (Tea + snacks) That night was a low key night for us to get settled in and just mingle with each other. At first I have to admit I was kind of intimidated by the fact that I didn't know very many people. I didn't want to spend all of my time talking with Sarah and Audrey but I also wasn't the one to go out and just start talking to new people. My friend and co-worker Niall was on the trip so he helped to introduce me to a number of people.
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early to pray the Angelus and then begin the day with a morning exercise. We took a long walk to the sand pits near the camp, on the way we got a little bit lost. Audrey also got lost with one other person for about fifteen minutes, I guess there was one perk to standing out in the crowd everyone noticed when the "third white girl" went missing. :) Leave it up to Audrey to get lost. The day consisted of learning how to dance, learning about music and its impact on our life, lunch, prayer, and FUN! The evening continued with dinner, games, and some adoration. After adoration we closed of the night with a Bon Fire. There were some fun skits put on by different people including a "Miss World Contest". This competition consisted of only males!! HAHA
Sunday we got up for prayer, had a session on nutrition and then had Mass with Bishop. After Mass we had some free time and then we were on our way back home. My mind was conflicted throughout the entire camp because I was expecting to go into camp and be encourage to grow in my faith. I don't want to say that we didn't take time to pray because we did, however, very few of our sessions were actually on anything faith related. It made it seem more like a camp that prays rather than a camp that is meant to be specifically for Catholic youth.
I met a lot of interesting people at camp which was good. I sometimes get so trapped in the same old routine doing the same thing. It was a very short period of time but I hope that I am able to continue some of the friendship that I made over camp. I have seen someone from camp almost every day since we left just randomly on the street. It made me realize how Georgetown can actually have a small town feel. And well I know if you went to camp your question is: "Who's your camp crush?!" Because well of course when you were little and you went to camp you always had to find a boy to be a camp crush right?! When I was little I remember one of my best friends was CONVINCED she was going to marry her camp crush. Maybe i've grown up a little bit because yes there were cute boys at camp, and I may have had a small crush - but I didn't walk away thinking any of them were going to be my future husband... sigh... maybe next camp :)
Coming back from camp the week quickly became stressful. One of the mini buses that I regularly take was in an accident. Now the accident was because of a blown tire and could happen anywhere in the world, but the bad part about it was that one of my good friends was on the bus. I got a message from a friend saying there was a bus accident and I knew my friend could possibly have been on that bus. The minute I got the message I called my friend from my house and could hear chaos going on, they then told me how they were at the public hospital in a lot of pain and they weren't sure what was going to happen them. Their phone then cut off and I was left stress, confused and upset. Audrey and I called another mutual friend who took us to the hospital. After much waiting we found out our friend had been cleared by the doctors and was put in the ward for monitoring but was going to make it. I didn't sleep well that night, or the next but after a while the stress started to dissipate. I feel like sometimes it takes moments like these in our lives to make us really appreciate people, or even the fact that we are alive. Five people died in the bus accident and many were injured. I thought for a long time whether to write this in my blog or not - but I realized that this was one of the most real experiences I have had since being here. No matter where you are in the world accidents are going to happen, lives are going to be lost because of something that in an ideal world could have been prevent, and we have to remember that we never know when it will be our time to leave this world. Life is precious and fragile - - I read a quote this week that said: “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” -- This experience has reminded me that I need to tell those that I love how much they really mean to me. :)
I noticed that one person who I regularly see keep saying to me: "Miss you look lost". I realized how observant other people can be and how sometimes we just can't hide how we feel. It was a little bit of sunshine in the few days of frustration when I was reminded that there always people who care. :) Sometimes all it takes is for someone to notice that we are lost - to be found again. I still feel a little lost but things are coming back into place. :)
Anyway - Graduation was on Wednesday. It was a really good ceremony. I hope to put up pictures on my next blog post. I would like to share about one student who really impressed me. Her name is Naameshwari and when she first came into this school she could barley do her alphabet. When they announced the number one student in her section, child care, it was HER! I was so impressed by her. She would spend all of her time trying to become a better person by really diving into her education. I never once heard her complain about the fact that she had an unfair life, that she wasn't good enough, or that she couldn't do it. She always had a smile on her face and she faced anything we threw at her with a perseverance that helped her accomplish every task. I will miss her dearly - not only for the passion she brought into the classroom but for all the life lessons she taught me. She reminded me weekly to be humble and speak softly. I pray she is able to continue bettering herself in the future - I will truly miss her. I have to let go and just watch now...
Wednesday night after graduation we had the schools prom. It was fun to see everyone dressed up and looking beautiful. I will make sure to put up pictures so that you are able to see. There was plenty of dancing and fun had by all. I was really glad that I was able to share that night with my students as an ending to the year.
The past two days have been laid back at work - finishing reports and setting up lesson plans and such for next year. I have a lot of work to get done this summer in preparation for next year but at least I won't have a class to teach at the same time. I haven't been to the hospital at all really this week because of how busy we have been at school. Next week I will get back into a regular routine - MWF teaching a summer computer course in Sophia (at the training centre) and T Th at the hosiptal doing my typical counseling.
Have a good week - Take one day at a time - Every day is a good day, just some are better than other.
Love,
Ashley Ann
Friday, July 15, 2011
Learning patience and crazy dreams! :)
Hello Everybody!
Well, its been two weeks since I have last written but it feels like only days ago. I realize how quickly my time here in Guyana is going by and it makes me a little sad to think about it. It has been hot here lately - and as I look at the weather it looks like it is hot everywhere!! I could really use some rain right now! :)
Mercy Wings, the school, comes to a close next Wednesday and the past two weeks have been giving exams, grading exams and having free time with the students. It has been really laid back, once exams finished, and I have enjoyed spending time talking with the students. It is crazy to think that in just one month I will have an entirely different set of students. I have learned so much from these students. They came into Mercy Wings at the same time I came to Guyana. Crazy to think about.
The reality is we did have some craziness go on. We had one student throw hot water into the face of another student which started a huge fight that ended up expelling both of them. Both students have always had major anger issues and I wasn't surprised when it happened. A couple days later we had a boy hit another boy in the face for looking at him in the wrong way. It ended up with another fight which one of them got expelled. The boy who got expelled also always had anger issues. It was difficult for me to see three students get expelled so close to graduation. Sometimes that how life is - if you go to college but then mess up right before your last set of finals you don't get your diploma either. Life is made up of the choices we make - right?
I've learned a lot about patience teaching at the school. I've also learned that if you have a lot of patience other people will notice when you lose your patience. There is someone who was constantly pushing my buttons and making my life difficult but I have been able to keep my temper for the entire year. Last friday my last piece of patience was ripped from me and I made one angry comment back at the person. The students who were around immediately said: "FINALLY, we've been waiting for you to be mean all year". It made me think for a long time - we are suppose to be helping to shape these students to be non-violent people... yet the only thing this year that has gotten a good response from them is when I do what I am teaching them not to. For me this created a large mix of emotions in myself. I one felt regret for losing my temper, and felt bad that I was a bad example for my students. Teachers are always teachers- whether in the classroom or outside in public and if I want to teach my students to be the best of themselves I must be the best of myself. Lesson learned.
Life at the hospital has been good. The other day I was wondering if anything that I do at the hospital makes a difference. Sometimes I just feel lost - then wednesday I started talking with a patient and we ended up talking for a very long time. At the end of the session he was walking outside and talking with his girlfriend and he goes "That white girl, shes legit, she makes me feel good" - and it reminded me that sometimes even though I feel like a failure as long as you put a lot of love into what you do - something good will come of it. Sometimes I focus too much on myself and how I are doing, I need to remind myself that if I give the best of what I have I shouldn't wonder - because I've already given all of me.
One of my old roommates sent me the lyrics to a song the other day that really hit me: "If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go - No, it was never mine to hold". These lyrics reflect upon my spirituality right now. I try so badly to hold onto everything like its mine. I want to have everything under control and really - nothing here is mine anyway. The students at Mercy Wings, the patients at Mercy Hospital, my roommates and my friends. God has given me these people and places - He has put them into my life. I need to remind myself not to focus so much on me. Let go of control. Lesson in process. :)
The other morning I had a dream where I was being chased by a ton of people. I was in an old blue truck that my family used to own and the people started pushing the truck and I was going to fall down a cliff. When I was falling down the cliff I realized that I was going to die. I started to freak out in the dream and then the impact happened and I woke suddenly on my bed. I immediately calmed down realizing that I was at home. I then thought to myself: "If that is what death is like - it won't be so bad... there will be fear and suddenness but then we end up somewhere comfortable, we end up home". This thought was kind of strange but later in the day while thinking about it, it made a lot of sense to me. If heaven really exists - and God is all that is love - maybe death really would be like a bad dream and when it ends we know where we are from the fact that we are finally in our eternal home.
Anyway - This weekend we are going to "church camp" ... I know crazy. Its for people 18-30. One of my co-workers talked me into it. I guess that I am glad to be going - I will let you know all about it. Until then you have my love and prayers! Also - please write to me. I've been having a very severe drought of letters!!
Remember: Every Saint has a past, and every sinner a future :)
Ashley Ann
Well, its been two weeks since I have last written but it feels like only days ago. I realize how quickly my time here in Guyana is going by and it makes me a little sad to think about it. It has been hot here lately - and as I look at the weather it looks like it is hot everywhere!! I could really use some rain right now! :)
Mercy Wings, the school, comes to a close next Wednesday and the past two weeks have been giving exams, grading exams and having free time with the students. It has been really laid back, once exams finished, and I have enjoyed spending time talking with the students. It is crazy to think that in just one month I will have an entirely different set of students. I have learned so much from these students. They came into Mercy Wings at the same time I came to Guyana. Crazy to think about.
The reality is we did have some craziness go on. We had one student throw hot water into the face of another student which started a huge fight that ended up expelling both of them. Both students have always had major anger issues and I wasn't surprised when it happened. A couple days later we had a boy hit another boy in the face for looking at him in the wrong way. It ended up with another fight which one of them got expelled. The boy who got expelled also always had anger issues. It was difficult for me to see three students get expelled so close to graduation. Sometimes that how life is - if you go to college but then mess up right before your last set of finals you don't get your diploma either. Life is made up of the choices we make - right?
I've learned a lot about patience teaching at the school. I've also learned that if you have a lot of patience other people will notice when you lose your patience. There is someone who was constantly pushing my buttons and making my life difficult but I have been able to keep my temper for the entire year. Last friday my last piece of patience was ripped from me and I made one angry comment back at the person. The students who were around immediately said: "FINALLY, we've been waiting for you to be mean all year". It made me think for a long time - we are suppose to be helping to shape these students to be non-violent people... yet the only thing this year that has gotten a good response from them is when I do what I am teaching them not to. For me this created a large mix of emotions in myself. I one felt regret for losing my temper, and felt bad that I was a bad example for my students. Teachers are always teachers- whether in the classroom or outside in public and if I want to teach my students to be the best of themselves I must be the best of myself. Lesson learned.
Life at the hospital has been good. The other day I was wondering if anything that I do at the hospital makes a difference. Sometimes I just feel lost - then wednesday I started talking with a patient and we ended up talking for a very long time. At the end of the session he was walking outside and talking with his girlfriend and he goes "That white girl, shes legit, she makes me feel good" - and it reminded me that sometimes even though I feel like a failure as long as you put a lot of love into what you do - something good will come of it. Sometimes I focus too much on myself and how I are doing, I need to remind myself that if I give the best of what I have I shouldn't wonder - because I've already given all of me.
One of my old roommates sent me the lyrics to a song the other day that really hit me: "If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go - No, it was never mine to hold". These lyrics reflect upon my spirituality right now. I try so badly to hold onto everything like its mine. I want to have everything under control and really - nothing here is mine anyway. The students at Mercy Wings, the patients at Mercy Hospital, my roommates and my friends. God has given me these people and places - He has put them into my life. I need to remind myself not to focus so much on me. Let go of control. Lesson in process. :)
The other morning I had a dream where I was being chased by a ton of people. I was in an old blue truck that my family used to own and the people started pushing the truck and I was going to fall down a cliff. When I was falling down the cliff I realized that I was going to die. I started to freak out in the dream and then the impact happened and I woke suddenly on my bed. I immediately calmed down realizing that I was at home. I then thought to myself: "If that is what death is like - it won't be so bad... there will be fear and suddenness but then we end up somewhere comfortable, we end up home". This thought was kind of strange but later in the day while thinking about it, it made a lot of sense to me. If heaven really exists - and God is all that is love - maybe death really would be like a bad dream and when it ends we know where we are from the fact that we are finally in our eternal home.
Anyway - This weekend we are going to "church camp" ... I know crazy. Its for people 18-30. One of my co-workers talked me into it. I guess that I am glad to be going - I will let you know all about it. Until then you have my love and prayers! Also - please write to me. I've been having a very severe drought of letters!!
Remember: Every Saint has a past, and every sinner a future :)
Ashley Ann
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