Happy Easter!!!

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you had a blessed and joyful Easter. Life here in the past two weeks has been crazy and wonderful. We have had vacation from school and it has been a huge blessing. While we had vacation from school we had some of the orphanage boys over at our house. Well, we actually had all of the primary boys over. It was good for them to do something different and keep them busy during their time off. I got sick during the week and ended up spending some time in bed but I am healthy now!

I figured I would put up some pictures from the boys rather than trying to describe everything for a change in pace.

The boys from the orphanage always remind me to be grateful for what we have. They are really need so much attention but its just not possible to give everyone all the attention that they need. Everyone does a really great job to do the best they can, but nothing beats being in a family. I will always be indebted to the love they show me. The boys are very affectionate and that makes time with them so rewarding.

Easter here was a really good experience. On Easter Monday everyone goes out to the sea wall and fly kites. We also went out with the boys to fly kites which was also really great. I really enjoyed spending Easter here. It was really laid back but at the same time good. There was no Easter Bunny - but there were plenty of kites.


Life other than that has been good. I've been enjoying time off and relaxing. It is always so important to take time for yourself. I sometimes forget that I need to just relax and not stress. This is what the last two weeks have really been.

Other than that I've also been reading "The girl with the dragon tattoo" and its sequel. The book starts out slow but is REALLY amazing. I would very much recommend reading them both. While I was sick I ended up reading 581 pages in ONE DAY! It obviously shows how good the book was!

I am sorry this is short, but hopefully you enjoy the pictures. Know that I have been thinking of everyone back home often during the Easter period. I got a card from my Aunt the other day that wished me the best as I entered the season of hope. It was a really good reminder for me. This is the season of hope -

Be confident in hope!

Love,

Ashley Ann

Henrietta With Ramario

Getting the Boys to Help Clean up!

Ramario in the Hammock

Sleeping Boys

Family Photo After Easter Vigil

Kites on the Sea Wall

The Sea Wall/Ocean

Hanging out by the Ocean on Easter Monday

Coloring on the Veranda

No Snow Here!!!

Ola Pedro,

I watched my all time favorite movie last night 27 dresses... hence the greeting! I hear some of you got snow recently... Don't worry - I'm in the 90 degree heat and LOVING it!

I feel like just yesterday I was blogging for last week. I sometimes feel like everything goes by so quickly I can't even keep track of things. It is now halfway through April which means in just a little more than a month my family is coming. I like having things to look forward to but it also makes time go by so fast! I can't believe they will be here so quickly!

Work this week was stressful as next week is the end of the term. At school I spent most of my time assessing the students on their progress throughout the year. Assessing them on this was one of the most rewarding things I have done so far. I could actually see progress on their computer skills. Its rewarding to know that the work I put in with them actually is having some fruits! One of the students who had no idea how to even turn on a computer showed me he could successfully use microsoft word and powerpoint.

Work at the hospital was busy but and stressful. There is a couple of young patients who are not doing so well in the hospital. It is always really difficult to see young children suffer from HIV. Its difficult to know that they are dying from HIV and at no fault of their own. (Not saying people who get HIV are at fault!) It takes a lot of energy to mentally understand any good that could come out of a situation like this.

My student who has been in the hospital is slowly making progress but is still in need of much medical attention. Right now she is still waiting on blood but there is a huge blood shortage right now. They don't know how soon she will be able to get the blood but I will let you know the progress.

This week more than once I have been "stuck between a rock and a hard place" with little idea of how to get myself out. Being in these situations always makes a person more angry and vulnerable to the world around them. This is definitely true of myself, when I am in a difficult situation it is really easy to get defensive and look towards others. I took a long time this week to examine the mistakes I had made to bring myself into the situations that I encountered. This is a very difficult thing to do because it can go one of two ways. The first was is that I would blame everything on the other person and say that I had no fault. (Pride) The second way is that I would blame everything on myself and feel bad and think "Woe is me". (Scrupulosity) Neither of these options lead to a very healthy outcome. I began the week thinking like the second one, in the middle of the week was thinking like the first one, and finally by the end of the week I started to realize that may I need to think a little more along the middle lines. I have made many mistakes since being here, and I have many more to make but everyone around me also makes mistakes.

This was all made really clear to me when I went to a church yesterday and saw one of my own students. He gave me a really big hug and told me he was very happy to see me. He is an aspiring pastor and as we got to talking he said to me: "Well on Sunday we ask for forgiveness because we are all sinners, no matter how much we try we all sin". Such a simple message but so easy to forget sometimes. We are all at fault and we all sin against one another. Why is it that we always want to see ourselves as so perfect when we are flawed. Yes we should strive for perfection, strive for holiness but until we realize within our minds we will fall we will be battling pride and scrupulosity within our minds.

I am so blessed and happy to have so many students and other individuals in my life who help to show me light every day.

Well I hope you have a really good week - "If you can't feed a hundred people... then just feed one..." Mother Teresa!

Love,

Ashley Ann

Happy Birthday Kelsey

Dear Friends and Family,

Today is my best friend from high school's birthday!!!! I am missing her very much! We have been through the past 15 or so years of life together and I am sad to be so far away when she turns 23!!! :) She has always been a sense of calm and security through my life and for that I could not be more thankful!

Well this week has been an interesting one. Audrey's family arrived Sunday morning and it was really exciting. Not only did they bring us candy from home but it was just really good to talk with her family. They have been really interested in all aspects of our lives and its good to share what we have here with people who are closest to Audrey. It is also nice to come home to see her parents because it gives our house a little more "homey" feeling.

Work at the hospital this week was busy for me. I spent a lot of time doing clerical work because we are still working on reports. Finally on Wednesday afternoon I finally got everything done. Nothing was too exciting other than the constant movement. Seeing and talking with the patients is also very rewarding. I find an abundance of kindness and respect from the people I work with. I was working with a child who is HIV + and he was so sweet in my mind I said "I just want to take you home with me".

Work at Mercy Wings this week was rough. On Thursday morning I had to give my students an assessment. During the test they were really difficult. I was having a hard time keeping them quiet which is unusual for them. At the end of the test one of the students tells me how his cell phone had been stolen during the test. I ended up sending for the Co-Coordinator of the school because I knew that it was something I couldn't deal with. The students were searched thoroughly but the phone was never found. Although a phone wasn't found quite a few forbidden items were. The boy who's phone was stolen is super sweet and never causes any trouble. The boys who took it (Suspected to have) are very difficult and almost never cooperate. I guess the rough part about this is there is one boy in particular who I have seen change over the past month. He used to keep to himself, be respectful, smart, and always help out. Then he started to hang out with the boys who are suspected to have stolen the phone. Within the past month he has become more aggressive and disrespectful. Last week I asked him to clean for me and he tried to disrespect me in front of all of the other students. This was something that is very rare for him. I let it go and told him if he did it again I would make him clean the entire yard of the school. This week while we were taking the test he once again gave me problems. After the test had gone and the bell rang I called him into my class. We discussed his test and how he almost failed. I confronted him on the fact that last term he was the second highest student and that I expected better from him. When we were talking one on one I told him that he was being respectful. He responded "Miss I always respect you" and I said "You always respect me when the other boys can't see". He shamefully looked at me and didn't argue. I told him how I knew he could be and has been a better person, I asked him if I should expect this behavior from him to continue or if he would return to his normal respectful self.

This is the most difficult aspect of my job because it breaks my heart to see him go in the wrong direction. It's so difficult when you see the untapped potential of a student and see them waste their time and try and fit in. I pray that he is able to see the good he has in himself. I pray that all of my students see the dignity that they have.

My girl in the hospital is still struggling very much. Her breathing is still difficult and painful but she is trying to be a fighter. I was unable to talk with her because when I went in she was sleeping. We have been taking turns going to see her and bringing her juice and water. I continue to ask for prayers for her. It is difficult to watch someone suffer for so long.

One thing that i've really been reflecting on this week is the fact that so many times we dream big but do nothing. I was thinking about the lack of education in the world today and how daunting of a problem it is. Then I thought well what can I do to fix it? I am teaching in one small area of the world but that doesn't change anything on the broad scale. Then I realized that so many of my friends and family back home also have passions about things such as: being green, helping children, spending time with the elderly... etc. Then I thought of someone I personally know who wants to be very green however is too lazy to recycle things within their own home. We dream about a greener world but sometimes forget the small things we can do. I found that in Guyana I have had to learn that I can dream big but I must work small. Sitting and thinking about things doesn't get anything done.

I've also learned to try and do what I love to do this week. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things I need to do, how quickly they can be done, and who good I am at doing them. I forget to take time for myself. I think that was one lesson my aunt and uncle taught me earlier this summer. They both love to cook and so they cook. I was able to cook with them this summer and it really helped me to relax and enjoy my time before leaving. Its simple... do what you love, and love what you do.

May you have a blessed week. Know that I am praying for you and I ask for your prayers.

Love,

Ashley Ann

Miss Stop Speeding!

Dear Family and Friends,

I write to you after a very relaxing weekend, but a very long week. Our retreat last week went very well. We spent most of the time just hanging out, reading, and talking. On Saturday morning we took a two and a half hour long adventure along the sea wall. It is a different type of sea wall than that of Georgetown and it was a good change in scenery. We all got a little sunburnt even though we put plenty of sunscreen on.

I found an apostolic letter by Pope John Paul II on the christian meaning of human suffering. It was a really good letter to read because it helped to put everything that I had been experiencing together. I remembered that suffering is always difficult but if we focus on the sufferings of Christ and how we can unite with Him things become a little easier. I am not saying it takes away any of the pain, or that it doesn't still really suck, I am just saying that its better than becoming self absorbed into the "why me". I need to remember that when I feel bad for myself and wonder why I am going through this I accomplish nothing... however, when I think to offer up my suffering for someone else I remember that good can come out of terrible situations. I've noticed people keep saying in the end you will realize there is a reason for all of this and maybe that is the lesson I need to learn. I have to understand that even though I don't understand it all now, I need to let go of the control and the wanting to understand and live life as it is presented to me. When life gives you limes, buy el dorado rum, coke and make a drink! :) haha.

This week at school I felt like the students decided to become extraordinarily agitated. I don't know a reason for this and I was not the only one to notice this. I feel that there must be something in the air. This made the days really long and punishment quite frequent. I have and always will be terrible at punishing students. I can be such a soft person that I fail to actually punish strict enough. I feel that the longer I am in Guyana the better I become at finding reasonable and just punishments. I wish that punishment wasn't a part of the job, but it is and therefore its just another place where I can grow as a teacher.

However even among the frustrations there are always the students that make you smile. I am constantly surprised at students when I see them grow as a person. I have learned that you can never label a student as a bad egg because there is good in everyone. Even the most difficult of students can surprise you by the changes they can make if they want to be a better person.

One of my co-workers at the hospital was gone for almost a month and she finally came back this week. I was really happy to see her and it made my week that much better. Work at the hospital was full of tons of clerical work because it is the end of the month and I was busy helping put reports together. Not fun, but necessary for the job! :)

If I've learned anything this week it has been that I must be patient. I sometimes feel like when I am confused or conflicted that I need an immediate answer. I spent the past two weeks thinking over something in my mind that I really didn't need to think about. Today it was on my mind all day and finally at the end of the day I realized the only reason the problem is not going away is because I am letting myself dwell on it. The Guyanese always say you shouldn't "Study things" (think too much) because it will make you old fast. I agree. My students noticed that I was "studying something" and kept telling me to not "take on too much stress". I feel that sometimes we wrap our minds in stress when really we need to let it go. Today my good friend told me "Miss, stop speeding", which means that I need to stop thinking so much. I then took the bus home and by the end of the bus ride I realized that he is right... I just need to stop thinking and let the cards play. If I can't control a situation I must remember "What will be, will be".

Well I hope that you have a wonderful week. (Update - my student is stable now, but still in need of many prayers to make it through this!... more later!)

Love,

Ashley Ann

The Best and The Worst

Dear Friends and Family,


One of the best experiences I've had since I've been in Guyana has been celebrating Phagwah, or Holi! It is the celebration of Spring and the beautiful colors of nature. On Phagwah one can walk around the street and see people with powdered dye covering their whole body. My Phagwah day started out wonderfully because Sarah and Audrey went to a church service later than mine and when they came home I heard them say: "No one Phagwahs before 12 eh?" (Which is what I had hear the night before) As they walked up the stairs I could see the dye smeared across their face. I laughed so hard! Then we went up to the orphanage and played with the boys for a little bit. They were going to play Phagwah but not until later that afternoon.

It wasn't until later that we went out with one of our friends. We met up with a group of people and that is where it all began. Within minutes I was completely covered in dye, glitter, and water!! It was like we were all children again. A bunch of young adults running around covering each other in dye. It was a ton of fun. We did this in two different areas of the city until we went to the national stadium where there was a GIANT Phagwah party. It was sponsored by GT&T and therefore they gave out free blue powder which is the company's color. We stayed their for a long time. It wasn't just smearing dye but also there music and other family friendly entertainment. We spent the afternoon dancing and having fun. Afterwords we drove down to the creek to jump in the water and wash off. I decided not to jump in because I was too cold. I wasn't alone - Audrey also didn't want to go in.

Overall it was a wonderful day. At the end of the day I was tired and happy. It was a pain to try and scrub all the dye off of my skin. My hair is still pink as a result from all of the dye. We were all pretty sad that our cameras had been stolen earlier this year so we weren't able to take any pictures. One of our friends that we saw took a picture of us and e-mailed it to me. Hopefully by sunday night I will be able to put it up.

Well other than that my week was pretty normal. We are about to leave on retreat soon, in an hour so I won't be around this weekend.

I guess I titled this blog the best and the worst because I had an experience that was terrible. One of my beloved girls is in the hospital with pneumonia. It is even worse than that because she already has complicated sickle cell anemia. She has received so much blood already they don't know if her body can take any more. My other girls wanted to go see her and the other teachers said it was fine so I took some of them to the hospital to visit her. Not only was the hospital itself a culture shock, but seeing someone you love there is even worse. The hospital is always packed full of people, one big long room for women. I saw a bed with two women in it because they are out of beds. When you see this it is easy to distance yourself from them as a coping mechanism. However, when you see someone you truly care about lying in a bed with other people lying around... it breaks you. Her breathing was so rapid and shallow she couldn't speak with us. Her entire face and limbs were swollen from an assumed lack of oxygen. I wish I could say that its going to get better for her, but its likely that it won't.

Guyana is still a developing nation and the lack of health care affects thousands of lives each year. Its the sad reality of life here. I kept thinking about how one of the hardest moments in my life was seeing my uncle slowly fade away in the hospital and then saying goodbye. I realize that moment wasn't so bad now... he had lived a full wonderful life, he was always surrounded by friends and family, and he knew he was loved. This girl has come from a broken home, she has had more pains than joys, and she was alone. We stayed for a while and the girls didn't know what to say or how to handle it. I encouraged them to talk to her even if she couldn't talk back. At one point my girl Lashawna asked me to pray with Chelsea. So we all held hands and prayed over her. After that we went to go and buy her some juice and then some family of hers came so it was our time to leave.

This was one of the hardest things I've had to do, to look at someone and know that if this were a different place or a different time things could possibly have a better outcome. However, this is how it is, so I ask God to make the best of the situation and to help all involved see the good in things. I ask for your prayers for her. I will update you on her condition. She needs a miracle to make it through this, but anything is possible.

Well, I am off to go to a much needed retreat. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and week. Know of my prayers for you as I ask for your prayers. May your lent be full of a knowledge that God's mercy is waiting for us all we need to do is repent.


While you are preaching peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart. - St. Franscis of Assisi

Love,

Ashley Ann

The sun will come out tomorrow*

Hello and Good Day Family and Friends,

I am glad to tell you that we had some sunshine this week! I was getting a little sick of all the rain. I am still sick of the rain as we still had some rain this week but I was glad we got some sunshine. When it is raining the water to our house, and therefore our shower, becomes VERY cold. This week the three of us would dread taking a shower. One day I even heated up some water on the stove and "bathed" (as the Guyanese would say), because I couldn't handle the constant cold water. One of my roommates made it three days without a shower... I was pretty impressed by this.

This week was a busy week at the hospital. It seemed as if all of the patients waited until this week to come in for their HIV appointments and counseling. I had many full days. Part of my job is doing HIV testing. One time this week someone came in to be tested right before I was about to leave for the day. I did all of the pre-test work with him and then sent him to the lab. Before I started this all I warned him that another counselor would be giving him the results. Before I sent him to the lab he kindly asked me if I could stay the extra hour to give him his results. He told me that he couldn't bear to hear them from anyone else, and since the man was old enough to be my grandfather my heart went out to him and I stayed. At the end when he was talking with me he reminded me to stay as sweet as I was. This was a moment that reminded me of why I came to Guyana. It reminded me that it is about going the extra mile. Its about willing the good of someone else above yourself to show them that even though you don't know them... you still love them as Christ did. The man thought I was doing him a favor but really he was doing me the favor.

School this week was quiet which is always a GOOD thing. My students are busy creating a PowerPoint presentation about anything that they want. Many of them have a hard time reading and writing so I pair them together to help each other out. I must admit that teaching children the computer when reading levels are extremely low can be quite difficult, but it has taught me much patience.

One of my students was exceptionally compliant this week and kind. He hangs out with a really rough crowd and often times I think he gets lost in the mix. I took him aside this week to thank him for all the hard work that he did and for the extra work that he did cleaning for me. Some of the other teachers even commented on his improved behavior. This has reminded me that the situations and the company we put ourselves in really do shape who we are. If we choose to hang out with a rough crowd, we will be associated with them even if we ourselves are not the same. If you look like, act like, and hang out with certain people it's easy for others to judge that you are the same. This can make it difficult to show people the truth and goodness inside of you. It takes a whole lot of courage to walk away from the people and things in life which we find familiar... but until we do the association will never be lost. So I guess this is my prayer for my students that they are able find the courage to make the correct choices. Sometimes its easier to choose the wrong thing and fit in rather than being the one to stand out.

I've really enjoyed lent this year because our community has decided to pray together every night. I find a lot of joy in our diverse ways of praying. At first I thought it would be difficult because we are all super busy. Then we just decided that why not take 15 minutes and do something simple. We all gave input on what we would do on the different nights of the week, this way each person gets input and yet there is still some type of routine. I often think of the phrase "The family that prays together, stays together". Our "family" is already seeing fruits of praying together as it helps us to focus our lives on Christ and improve our relations with one another.

I've realized that I have missed some important birthdays this month...

Earlier this month it was my cousin Nick's birthday. Nick and I have not always been close. When we were growing up I didn't see very much of him and when we did see each other although we got along I would never have considered him a close friend or anything. As time went on and the older we became the more I realized that I appreciated Nick. He started to spend more time with us and eventually we started having small conversations. Small conversations led to larger conversations and all of a sudden he wasn't just my cousin but my good friend. At one point while I was in college he made a suggestion that we just don't call each other randomly but rather that we make a point to call each other regularly. And then it was set that we would call each other every three weeks. Now - I am not going to say that it actually happened every three weeks but for the past couple years I would say that I talked to my cousin at least once a month or once every month and a half. Earlier this summer I went to go see him and spend the night at his house in Mankato. We ended up staying up and having a conversation that I never thought I would ever be able to have with anyone. It was great to have such an honest open conversation with someone and it really helped me to make it through my crazy summer of transitions. Its hard not talking to Nick and I miss hearing about his life. There are days here when I think of him and know that he could make me laugh or help me understand a situation. I will forever be grateful for the friendship that I have found in my cousin and I know that I will be close with him for a long time. Being close with family is a beautiful thing.

The second birthday that I missed was that of my friend Zach Roberts. Zach was my first close friend at UMM and he helped me make it through the some tough transitions from high school to college. It was during that first year that Zach and I realized we think very similarly. We now refer to each other as the "other half of our minds" because he always understand what I am trying to explain even if others are lost. However, it is not this connection that makes our friendship so beautiful but the fact that we were able to overcome some very huge obstacles together. Some people know this but Zach and I once were on bad terms for close to 7 months. We would argue and bicker over everything and there were times when we just couldn't stand each other. Many times I wanted just to give up on our friendship but Zach taught me how to forgive and forget. Before graduating UMM we had a discussion about that year and everything that went wrong and I remember thinking to myself that we wasted so much time mad at each other. I also remember how both of us grew so much from that experience. We both grew up a little bit as we realized the wrongs we had done against one another. Maybe that is the best part about our friendship, that we helped each other to learn some really important life lessons and although there was turmoil, in the end there was a beautiful result. I will always be grateful for Zach in my life. Zach has more strength than any other 23 year old I know. He is a great man of God and I know that his life will bear much fruit.

To end I would like to share with you a quote that I read in the paper this week from Martin Luther King Jr:

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people"

Don't let yourself be a silent good person. Speak up for what you believe and for those without a voice.

Well, Tomorrow is a Hindu holiday and I am excited to celebrate and tell you all about it for next week... May God bless your week and please send me some mail! I have gone an ENTIRE MONTH without a single letter... so for all of those who read this - I'm asking you to send me some encouragement back. Even if you don't like to write go to target or walmart and find a funny or amusing card. Send me a picture or a sketch you do when your bored. Any and everything will be very appreciated!

Love and prayers,

Ashley Ann

Rain Rain Go Away

Dear Friends and Family,

Hello - I hope that you had a good week. My week has been exceptionally normal. I am realizing how I am really starting to get sick of the rain. It has been raining for this entire weekend. On friday night we all thought about going out but the fact that it was raining here made us all want to stay inside. When it rains here no one wants to go out. Part of the reason for this is that fact that most activities take place outside at least a little bit.

One exciting thing that did happen this week was we had a group of volunteers come from the States for a week. We took them out for ice cream and then later on in the week ended up going to the one bowling alley in town with them. It was a good experience. After being here for six months it was really interesting to hear the questions that they would ask and then be able to respond properly. We saw a lot of ourselves when we first came to Guyana and had much confusion and a lack of knowledge. Having them come also made us all realize how our english has become rather terrible. I have a hard time remember how to describe things without using Guyanese phrases and I confused the volunteers a couple of times... opps! :)

Anyway - I was thinking about how the volunteers were associating Guyana with Latin America when really Guyana is mostly associated with the Caribbean. Being an english speaking former British colony most of the relations are done with the Caribbean, and Guyana is considered part of the Caribbean. I've always enjoyed this upbeat energetic yet laid back part of the culture.

This week was Ash Wednesday which means it is now officially the beginning of lent. I am excited for lent as a time to reconnect my life with my faith. I went to Mass at the Cathedral on Ash Wednesday and the Bishop began his homily talking about how people are starting to predict the end of the world. He talked about how when they do this they start to think more seriously about how they want to change their lives. He then continued on to talk about how people who are near death or have a near death experience do the same things. People in these situations take time to rethink things and make changes in their lives, but why does it take an experience like this to think about these things? This Lenten season can the catalyst for us to do be the same thing. It can be a time for us to rethink the sinful nature that we have and turn our hearts to the Lord. In all generations the Lord has been there with compassion and mercy for those who turn to Him and ask for His forgiveness. Sometimes it can be so difficult to ask for forgiveness because then we have to admit to the fact that we are wrong... really, who wants to admit to the fact that we are wrong.

I'm making an extra effort this lent to try and focus more on the Lord rather than the external things in my life. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the world around me that I actually forget what my purpose is here. The thing is I need to remember that each day is a chance to start again... and this season of lent is a great time to work on that. I often think some of life's best advice can be found in the Disney movie The Lion King. Specifically when Rafiki talks about how the past is in the past and we can't change it. Rafiki hits Simba and when Simba said ouch that hurts Rafiki says "Who cares its in the past". Yes we still care about the pain but forgiving ourselves and others would be much easier if we were able to let go of the past a little bit. I know this is true for me, and it would help me on my Lenten journey. I have made many mistakes since coming to Guyana but here I am with a chance to try again.

If at first you don't succeed.... maybe sky diving isn't for you! :)

Well anyway - Wishing you all the best. Know of my prayers for you.

Love,

Ashley Ann