Sometimes in life you know something bad is going to happen but there is simply nothing you can do about it. I feel like so often this can be a reoccurring theme at my ministry in Guyana. Sometime last month I had a patient come in to us and request a transfer to a different hospital. The reason they came in and requested the transfer was because one of the doctors at the hospital they were transferring to gave him some strong anti-biotics that made him feel better. However, they would in the long run mask the underlying problem. The program nurse was telling me how if he leaves this program and the doctors there don't understand what the real root problem is he will be dead within three months. The nurse tried to speak with him and I tried to speak with him. At the end of the day - it's ultimately the patients decisions. I told him how all I want for him is the best and I hope that he gets better and lives a long healthy life. We talked about the condition he had and how he needs to bring this up to his doctors at the other hospital. I wished him the best as he walked out of my office and said a small prayer that he would be alright.
Sometime this week one of the nurses says: "You know I saw ____ _____'s name on the death announcement". My heart immediately dropped. I was so frustrated that this young patient had died and that there was nothing I could have done to stop it. It's always difficult when we try so hard just to encounter failure.
Later this week we had what was called a Patners Forum where individuals representing the PEPFAR grant and NGO's who help support AIDSrelief were present. At the meeting one of the doctor's said: "In the end if the patient wants to die, if they are giving up on life and they don't want our help it is their choice. There are thousands of patients that we have to spend our time on who want to be helped." It may sound bad but I know what she was getting at. There are people who make the choice not to come to clinic, to miss their medications, and to allow themselves to fall into a downward health spiral. We make calls we ask them to come in and we even do home visits, but if the patient doesn't ever respond we reach a dead end. Sometimes I think after making a valid effort we need to respect someone's decision to conduct their lives as they will.
Another problem I once again encountered this week is patients who are convinced that God is going to cure them from HIV. I don't doubt that God has the power to cure someone from HIV, however I believe that God helps those who help themselves. I have finally just decided to encourage these patients to continually get tested if for some reason they believe God has cured them. I always tell them they should never come off their medications, always come to the doctor and do what's best for their health but if they are not going to do that then they at least owe it to themselves to take another test to make sure they were cured. Another problem with that is the ARV's that we give the point is to decrease the HIV in the blood so if someone has an undetected viral load it is possible for them to have a falsely negative test. This however does NOT mean someone is negative because HIV lives in different parts of your body not only your blood. Yes the virus in your blood can be undetected - but you still have HIV. So I say that if you come off and go away, which I DO NOT recommend, get tested every three months and come back to us when it shows positive again. Now hopefully it will still show positive the first time they've done it - but if not I do believe soon after they stop medications it will. Sigh.
Then I remind myself - nothing in life comes without battles and hardships. Each patient I deal with is a child of God and whatever they believe or choose I still need to love them as my brother or sister in Christ.
My supervisor Lisa has been here this week and that means that my week was extra busy. She came into country late Saturday night and we had our first meeting with her Sunday evening. She brought me some stuff that my Auntie Annie had sent her which made me very happy!!! :) We had meetings throughout the week and she visited us at each of our work places. My boss at the hospital told me that he told Lisa that I had to stay... haha! :) Much better than him telling her that he wanted me out of the place!
This week it was my friend Venus' birthday. She did something that I think was very admirable for her birthday and rather than asking for gifts she asked for donations. The donations were then used to buy a stove for a local girls orphanage. She raised enough money to by a nice five burner stove. I was so impressed by the generosity of her friends. I kept thinking of the words: "Whatsoever you do to the least of my people that you do unto me" - Jesus. Venus is such a generous and wonderful friend and I am very thankful that God has brought her into my life.
I brought Mother Teresa's book No Greater Love to work with me this week and left in my desk. I was able to read a couple of pages each day and remind myself to stay focused. One quote I found this week that I absolutely love goes:
"Remember that the passion of Christ ends always in the joy of the resurrection of Christ. So when you feel in your own heart the suffering of Christ, remember the resurrection has to come. Never let anything so fill you with sorrow as to make you forget the joy of Christ risen."
I feel that is such a beautiful quote and the motivator of my week. We are not Christians of Good Friday, we are Christians of Easter Sunday. We believe their is life after death, hope in affliction and joy in perseverance. There is always a reason for everything and as they say - if it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger.
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
Whatsoever you do to the least of My people, that you do unto Me.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
"I know i'm still you're baby"
Hello Everyone,
I sometimes make fun of myself because I always see random things as I walk around Georgetown and think "Oh, I should write that in my blog... and it NEVER happens." I was out last night with some friends and I did do some thinking and since its so fresh on my mind I am actually remembering to write about it. In Georgetown one common job is to be a security guard for some business or building. Security work is probably one of the lowest paid jobs in Georgetown and I have been told that some of them make only 17,000 Gyd a month which is 85 Usd. When talking about supporting a family or trying to take care of yourself 85 dollars doesn't go very far at all. Heck, you can't even pay your rent and all your bills. If both parents of a family are working security you could just scrape by every month. Not only is it a low paying job but its a lonesome job working all night by yourself. Quite a few of my patients have told me that they do security work and they often complain about the fact that they have to work six days a week and on their day off they have much work to do at home. Working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and barely making reminds me of how frustrating and difficult it can be for someone in poverty to beat the cycle. It was just another reminder of me how sometimes poverty can be so hidden. It's not always the people who are on the street rather it's often the person who is trying to hide it and struggling to make it by each day that is suffering the most.
This week at the hospital I had a young boy come in who has just finished seeing doctor. Now they all have a special place in my heart but this boy was just extra sweet. I always love to talk with them about school and everything that's going on. When we had finished talking he came up and gave me a big kiss on the cheek and told me to have a great day. For me it's moments like those that really make my job worth it. If he can be so pleasant and cheerful while living with HIV since birth, surely I can overcome my own obstacles.
Each week my students make me laugh more and more. There is one student in particular who's name is Janno and he always works really hard in my class. He is a little slow and so I often give him a lot of attention so he can keep up with the rest of the class. I always try to be really strict with my classes but the boys are starting to realize that beneath my attempt to be strict I have a really big heart. So this week Janno was being extra roudy and making "one set of noise" as I would say here. I laughed and asked him what was going on and he said: "Miss you think i'm being disgusting eh? Don't worry I know i'm still you're baby". I couldn't help but laugh at him. Sometimes it's just impossible for me to hide affection.
This week a group of young women from Scranton University came down to Guyana to do clinical's for their occupational therapy rotations. We went out to dinner with them on friday night and it was really fun to talk to girls from back home. At first when we saw them I thought to myself "Oh gosh wow their all sooo pretty". As dinner went on I then realized that really they just look like average Americans. The next day Audrey Sarah and I were talking and they all said the exact same thing happened to them. We found it interesting that we all had the same experience without saying anything to each other about it. Maybe part of it has to do with the fact that you find beauty in things that are familiar to you. Otherwise I guess it has just been a LONG time since I saw a large group of white people.
This was not the only group of Americans to be visiting this week. There was a group of Nursing students from the states that came to work with CRS and AIDS relief on improving the home base care system, lost to follow up patients, and young adults with HIV. I was involved with the meetings that involved working with the young students with HIV. They came with some great ideas about how to conduct a young adult group and encourage others to join. We had a meeting with the youth on Wednesday afternoon and it was good to see the few that did show up come. We are planning on having a movie night next month and I am really hoping we are able to continue the work that they started.
They all wanted to go out to a club before they left Guyana so Nurse George and I decided we would take them out. When we were out dancing one of the girls said to me: "Oh gosh, Ashley you really are Guyanese, how are you ever going to go home?!". It was fun to go out with them and show them a little part of the night life. It was also nice to get out and see some of my friends. I haven't been out very often lately because i've either been busy or sick but I'm glad to have gotten out for a bit.
This afternoon we are taking some of the boys from the orphanage to a celebration for the Chinese New year. I am excited to go out and see the boys and have some fun. I am feeling much better this week and my cough is mostly gone! :) God is good. As people often say here: "Stay sweet".
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
I sometimes make fun of myself because I always see random things as I walk around Georgetown and think "Oh, I should write that in my blog... and it NEVER happens." I was out last night with some friends and I did do some thinking and since its so fresh on my mind I am actually remembering to write about it. In Georgetown one common job is to be a security guard for some business or building. Security work is probably one of the lowest paid jobs in Georgetown and I have been told that some of them make only 17,000 Gyd a month which is 85 Usd. When talking about supporting a family or trying to take care of yourself 85 dollars doesn't go very far at all. Heck, you can't even pay your rent and all your bills. If both parents of a family are working security you could just scrape by every month. Not only is it a low paying job but its a lonesome job working all night by yourself. Quite a few of my patients have told me that they do security work and they often complain about the fact that they have to work six days a week and on their day off they have much work to do at home. Working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and barely making reminds me of how frustrating and difficult it can be for someone in poverty to beat the cycle. It was just another reminder of me how sometimes poverty can be so hidden. It's not always the people who are on the street rather it's often the person who is trying to hide it and struggling to make it by each day that is suffering the most.
This week at the hospital I had a young boy come in who has just finished seeing doctor. Now they all have a special place in my heart but this boy was just extra sweet. I always love to talk with them about school and everything that's going on. When we had finished talking he came up and gave me a big kiss on the cheek and told me to have a great day. For me it's moments like those that really make my job worth it. If he can be so pleasant and cheerful while living with HIV since birth, surely I can overcome my own obstacles.
Each week my students make me laugh more and more. There is one student in particular who's name is Janno and he always works really hard in my class. He is a little slow and so I often give him a lot of attention so he can keep up with the rest of the class. I always try to be really strict with my classes but the boys are starting to realize that beneath my attempt to be strict I have a really big heart. So this week Janno was being extra roudy and making "one set of noise" as I would say here. I laughed and asked him what was going on and he said: "Miss you think i'm being disgusting eh? Don't worry I know i'm still you're baby". I couldn't help but laugh at him. Sometimes it's just impossible for me to hide affection.
This week a group of young women from Scranton University came down to Guyana to do clinical's for their occupational therapy rotations. We went out to dinner with them on friday night and it was really fun to talk to girls from back home. At first when we saw them I thought to myself "Oh gosh wow their all sooo pretty". As dinner went on I then realized that really they just look like average Americans. The next day Audrey Sarah and I were talking and they all said the exact same thing happened to them. We found it interesting that we all had the same experience without saying anything to each other about it. Maybe part of it has to do with the fact that you find beauty in things that are familiar to you. Otherwise I guess it has just been a LONG time since I saw a large group of white people.
This was not the only group of Americans to be visiting this week. There was a group of Nursing students from the states that came to work with CRS and AIDS relief on improving the home base care system, lost to follow up patients, and young adults with HIV. I was involved with the meetings that involved working with the young students with HIV. They came with some great ideas about how to conduct a young adult group and encourage others to join. We had a meeting with the youth on Wednesday afternoon and it was good to see the few that did show up come. We are planning on having a movie night next month and I am really hoping we are able to continue the work that they started.
They all wanted to go out to a club before they left Guyana so Nurse George and I decided we would take them out. When we were out dancing one of the girls said to me: "Oh gosh, Ashley you really are Guyanese, how are you ever going to go home?!". It was fun to go out with them and show them a little part of the night life. It was also nice to get out and see some of my friends. I haven't been out very often lately because i've either been busy or sick but I'm glad to have gotten out for a bit.
This afternoon we are taking some of the boys from the orphanage to a celebration for the Chinese New year. I am excited to go out and see the boys and have some fun. I am feeling much better this week and my cough is mostly gone! :) God is good. As people often say here: "Stay sweet".
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Go away cough! Come back voice!
Hello Everyone!
I am very lucky that I am writing my blog and not doing a voice post because my voice is completely gone! I have been battling a sickness all week and last night it got the best of me and my voice disappeared.
Last weekend on Sunday I went over to my friend Tabathas and we made bread and pasta! I had a lot of fun just hanging out and cooking. It ended up being about six of us just hanging out and cooking. I am now famous for my cheesy bread. :)
Monday I woke up and felt so sick I just couldn't go into work, I had a fever and slept for the majority of the day. When I wasn't sleeping I watched friday night lights and from prada to nada. I always love friday night lights even though I've seen it a million times before.
Tuesday I got up and made it to work even though I still felt sick. I am teaching my students this week how to search for something on google and then copy and paste it into a word document. I came up with a whole bunch of random questions to ask them like: "Why is the sky blue, what is a dictaor". They had to find answer that they could understand and then copy and paste them onto the word document. After a while they all got the hang of it and I really had nothing to do. They were entertained with the fact that there are actually other thinsg to do on the internet other than look on facebook. After they finished and had free time they realized they could google anything they wanted, well anything appropriate. Most of them ended up looking at pictures of shoes for their free time. None of them really try and look at anything inappropriate anymore because I warned them if they did they would be off the computer for the year. One kid didn't believe me and went and did what he wanted. He still hasn't been let back online unless for assignments and I think everyone else is scared! Ha good, They should be!
The rest of the week was mostly me going to work and then coming home to sleep, I always fought to have the energy to make it through the day but really all I needed was sleep sleep and more sleep. I was very thankful for Audrey who helped me out on my night to cook and went out to buy sandwhich stuff so I didn't have to cook.
At work yesterday we continued to have a crazy day as always on fridays. When I got there in the morning my boss sent me downstair to see the doctor quick because he needed me better by monday. I tried to say I was fine but ended up having to go down anyway. I knew that because I had been coughing I was going to have to go through a set of TB tests since I'm exposed to TB on a daily basis at the hospital. Luckily my chest x-ray came out clear and the doctor said I simply have a lower respitory infection and no TB. Yay! :)
Today I went and met one of my old students from last year and went for a walk with her. It is so great to see them and see how much they have grown. Many of them have different jobs and I am glad that they are moving forward. Its always comforting talking with someone you are so familiar with. They are always asking if the new students are giving me a hard time and treating me well. I kind of laugh to myself and think: "Ohhh you're so concerned now that its not you who's acting up" :)... Yet I still appreciate their kindness.
All week i've had some song lyrics running through my head which talk about lying to yourself. Now I've been thinking about writing about it in my blog and all of a sudden the lyrics slip out of my head. Sigh, typical Ashley. But the point of the song is someone who gets so caught up in lies that they end up lying to themselves just to make themselves feel better. I sometimes feel like in Mission working with people I have to see where I am lying to myself and where I need to be improving. In order to really help people I always have to be taking care and make sure I am improving myself. Isn't it interesting how there are so many things around us that can help remind us to become a better person.
Two different patients on friday really helped me to keep going at my work here. One was telling me about how the social workers here help him to keep moving on because we are the only ones who fully support him despite everything else. And then he started to say that it doesn't seem fake either and how we genuinely care. I stopped for a moment and thought to myself, well I do care, it doesn't matter to me if you are HIV+ or not, you're still a person, you still need love. The second individual was telling me how he was worried that someone was juding him, and then he goes: "But someone like you with a face like that couldn't judge me". It made me laugh a little bit but was also seriously encouraging. My work is not glamorous or easy but it needs to be done.
I haven't been up to the orphanage in the longest while because i've been so busy at the hospital and at school and I do miss those boys. I don't want to go up there while I am sick because even if one boy gets sick then all of them will get sick.
Anyway, Sorry this blog is lame this week but really nothing exciting has gone on in the life of Ashley - Pray that I get better soon! You have my prayers!
Love,
Ashley Ann
I am very lucky that I am writing my blog and not doing a voice post because my voice is completely gone! I have been battling a sickness all week and last night it got the best of me and my voice disappeared.
Last weekend on Sunday I went over to my friend Tabathas and we made bread and pasta! I had a lot of fun just hanging out and cooking. It ended up being about six of us just hanging out and cooking. I am now famous for my cheesy bread. :)
Monday I woke up and felt so sick I just couldn't go into work, I had a fever and slept for the majority of the day. When I wasn't sleeping I watched friday night lights and from prada to nada. I always love friday night lights even though I've seen it a million times before.
Tuesday I got up and made it to work even though I still felt sick. I am teaching my students this week how to search for something on google and then copy and paste it into a word document. I came up with a whole bunch of random questions to ask them like: "Why is the sky blue, what is a dictaor". They had to find answer that they could understand and then copy and paste them onto the word document. After a while they all got the hang of it and I really had nothing to do. They were entertained with the fact that there are actually other thinsg to do on the internet other than look on facebook. After they finished and had free time they realized they could google anything they wanted, well anything appropriate. Most of them ended up looking at pictures of shoes for their free time. None of them really try and look at anything inappropriate anymore because I warned them if they did they would be off the computer for the year. One kid didn't believe me and went and did what he wanted. He still hasn't been let back online unless for assignments and I think everyone else is scared! Ha good, They should be!
The rest of the week was mostly me going to work and then coming home to sleep, I always fought to have the energy to make it through the day but really all I needed was sleep sleep and more sleep. I was very thankful for Audrey who helped me out on my night to cook and went out to buy sandwhich stuff so I didn't have to cook.
At work yesterday we continued to have a crazy day as always on fridays. When I got there in the morning my boss sent me downstair to see the doctor quick because he needed me better by monday. I tried to say I was fine but ended up having to go down anyway. I knew that because I had been coughing I was going to have to go through a set of TB tests since I'm exposed to TB on a daily basis at the hospital. Luckily my chest x-ray came out clear and the doctor said I simply have a lower respitory infection and no TB. Yay! :)
Today I went and met one of my old students from last year and went for a walk with her. It is so great to see them and see how much they have grown. Many of them have different jobs and I am glad that they are moving forward. Its always comforting talking with someone you are so familiar with. They are always asking if the new students are giving me a hard time and treating me well. I kind of laugh to myself and think: "Ohhh you're so concerned now that its not you who's acting up" :)... Yet I still appreciate their kindness.
All week i've had some song lyrics running through my head which talk about lying to yourself. Now I've been thinking about writing about it in my blog and all of a sudden the lyrics slip out of my head. Sigh, typical Ashley. But the point of the song is someone who gets so caught up in lies that they end up lying to themselves just to make themselves feel better. I sometimes feel like in Mission working with people I have to see where I am lying to myself and where I need to be improving. In order to really help people I always have to be taking care and make sure I am improving myself. Isn't it interesting how there are so many things around us that can help remind us to become a better person.
Two different patients on friday really helped me to keep going at my work here. One was telling me about how the social workers here help him to keep moving on because we are the only ones who fully support him despite everything else. And then he started to say that it doesn't seem fake either and how we genuinely care. I stopped for a moment and thought to myself, well I do care, it doesn't matter to me if you are HIV+ or not, you're still a person, you still need love. The second individual was telling me how he was worried that someone was juding him, and then he goes: "But someone like you with a face like that couldn't judge me". It made me laugh a little bit but was also seriously encouraging. My work is not glamorous or easy but it needs to be done.
I haven't been up to the orphanage in the longest while because i've been so busy at the hospital and at school and I do miss those boys. I don't want to go up there while I am sick because even if one boy gets sick then all of them will get sick.
Anyway, Sorry this blog is lame this week but really nothing exciting has gone on in the life of Ashley - Pray that I get better soon! You have my prayers!
Love,
Ashley Ann
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012
Hello Everyone,
I am sorry that I had taken so long to blog, but the holiday season kept me busier than ever. I can't believe all the holidays are already over I feel like I haven't stopped moving in weeks.
Since I last left you i've had adventures making sugar cookies with friends, working long hours at the hospital and having orphan boys over at the house.
For Christmas we took three boys into our house Steve, Junior, and Joel. They came over to our house around 4pm on Christmas eve. That night I made chicken curry for dinner and we played with them. It's always really fun to have the boys around and now that we have had them over multiple times it becomes much easier. We watched one of our new christmas movie's that we bought for when the boys came over. One of the small boys Steve fell asleep on the floor. Everytime we tried to move him off the floor and onto the couch but he would just wake up, get up and go back on the floor. After a while we just decided to leave him. Silly boy! :)
Christmas morning we woke up around 6:30 and the boys were all ready to open up their presents. We had a great time watching them although I was quite groggy. After the boys finished opening up theirs we took our turn. I got a nice purse from Audrey, some stationary from Sarah and some nice black and white earrings from Meg. I was most excited about the purse because it's something i've needed for a really long time. We all got ready and took the boys to church Christmas morning. Church was pretty quite since most people go on Christmas eve. After church it was time for Sister Julie to pick up the boys and bring them to another ladies house so we could go eat lunch at the convent. We went over to the Meadowbrook convent around 12pm. All of the Sisters of Mercy in Guyana were there for the celebration. We had a wonderful lunch with ham, turkey, potatoes, macaroni, rice, cranberries, stuffing, and other random salads. It was a really great meal. For dessert we had plum pudding with rum butter. It's a really rich dessert but it was good.
After we came home the boys played with their toys and we took our turns relaxing and enjoying the day off. For dinner we ate a left over concoction that Sarah made. It was actually pretty good! :) Last year we had egg rice for Christmas dinner - so really I feel like anything could have been an improvement.
We woke up boxing day and spent the day playing with the boys. Around 3pm we ended up taking them downtown to the "Main Street Lime". This is when people go down to main street and hang out. They have different vendors selling this - food, drinks and trinkets. It was a good afternoon. They hadn't started selling all the much yet - but it was still good to take the boys for a walk. After that we took the boys back to Plaisance where the orphanage is which is about a 15 minute bus ride from where we were. We dropped Sarah and Meg off at home because our house is also along the route and then Audrey and I continued on the way. Meg and I were in the back with two of the boys and when Meg got off all of a sudden I was with the two small boys in the very back corner of the bus. Another lady came on and we were all squished. The boys seemed to enjoy it - :)
After we dropped the boys off Audrey saw a friend of hers. They asked us if we would like to go for a walk around the village the orphanage is in. It was quite an adventure walking around the area. I have to say that I am always reminded how much I haven't yet seen. We all kind of have the different areas that we know very well and I do not know the area around the orphanage well. It was a good adventure and a nice long relaxing walk after dropping the boys off. We were to go out with our friends later that night but we were all so exhausted that we decided just to go to sleep instead. We kind of felt like little old ladies. :)
For the past two weeks I have been working at the hospital all the time. I didn't actually take any time off when school closed because one of the social workers at the hospital left the job and it was down to two of us. In the week before and after christmas there were many days of working straight through lunch and then realizing I hadn't taken time to eat until about 2pm. It was very exhausting working so much but at the same time rewarding. I really had to remind myself to take my time with each patient when really I just wanted to rush through since there was a line outside my door which felt like it would never end. I have to say that I am so thankful for my co-worker Terese. She is in charge of pulling charts, answering phones and data entry. She was always very helpful and helps me to stay positive. Many people were in and out taking leave and doing their last minute christmas shopping so I always felt under tight constraints and she really helped me to stay positive. This past week one day everyone but four of us called in sick. I was secretary, social worker, free tester, chart puller, and id card maker all at once. :) What an adventure.
On the 30th the doctors at the hospital who work in the Hiv program bought us lunch. One of the doctors were thanking us for all the hard work and she said: "Now, I know we are all overworked and underpaid... but that's not the reason we do this". It really helped me to remember after two weeks of working hard that its not about my non existant pay check, or about the appreciation that other people give me - but rather that I am able to help someone else. Working before christmas is not easy, money is always an issue and dreary stories before christmas don't really bring much cheer. I reminded myself that we got to stay positive despite all circumstances because we just got to take the good with the bad.
New years eve around here always starts off with church that brings in the new year. We went to church in our neighborhood at 10:30 and were home by 11:45. We had a bunch of friends over after church for a small get together at our house. We played music, danced, ate cook-up, and had a good time. Eating cook-up rice is a tradition on "old years night" as the Guyanese call new years eve. I can say that by the time my head hit the pillow the sun was shining very brightly. Ahh the joys of being young.
I look forward to all that 2012 has to bring. I was talking to one of my friends about if the world is going to end in 2012, and if you believe it is I have a great idea. You can just send me all your excess money so I can do a little bit of good in case the world ends anyway. :) Ok?! LOL
The welcoming of 2012 was slightly awakening for me because this is the year that I go home. People would always ask how long I would be in Guyana and I would say I'm going home in 2012, and now... I say august. Ahhh.... hmm.... It's a good, scary, sad, and hopeful feeling all at the same time.
This past week school started back and I was glad to see my students. Although I was glad to see them it is very typical that many students don't show up until the second week so it was very laid back. We started to discuss about how there are so many things that we don't know about which we could find out about on the internet. They didn't believe me so I started to ask them questions about WWII. They knew absolutely nothing about WWII and were shocked at the stuff we could find. I felt like my Grandpa Jon would have been proud of my history lesson. :) Although, it was very simplified but at least they know that it happened.
At the hospital this week I was talking to a patient about the fact that no matter where you are in life or what your HIV status is you always have problems. She said to me: "Before I was positive I had man problems, when I became positive I had man problems, and when I became big I still have man problems" Big referring to being old in age. We all have problems, but I honestly think half of life is our attitude towards our problems. She reminded me half the battle is staying positive.
I am looking forward to this week ahead of me. I don't have any big plans coming up but am hoping that school this week the students will get back into routine and we will actually get some work done.
I am wishing you all a very happy and blessed 2012. Continue to keep me in your prayers as I continue to pray for my family and friends back home. Until next week.
All my love,
Ashley Ann
I am sorry that I had taken so long to blog, but the holiday season kept me busier than ever. I can't believe all the holidays are already over I feel like I haven't stopped moving in weeks.
Since I last left you i've had adventures making sugar cookies with friends, working long hours at the hospital and having orphan boys over at the house.
For Christmas we took three boys into our house Steve, Junior, and Joel. They came over to our house around 4pm on Christmas eve. That night I made chicken curry for dinner and we played with them. It's always really fun to have the boys around and now that we have had them over multiple times it becomes much easier. We watched one of our new christmas movie's that we bought for when the boys came over. One of the small boys Steve fell asleep on the floor. Everytime we tried to move him off the floor and onto the couch but he would just wake up, get up and go back on the floor. After a while we just decided to leave him. Silly boy! :)
Christmas morning we woke up around 6:30 and the boys were all ready to open up their presents. We had a great time watching them although I was quite groggy. After the boys finished opening up theirs we took our turn. I got a nice purse from Audrey, some stationary from Sarah and some nice black and white earrings from Meg. I was most excited about the purse because it's something i've needed for a really long time. We all got ready and took the boys to church Christmas morning. Church was pretty quite since most people go on Christmas eve. After church it was time for Sister Julie to pick up the boys and bring them to another ladies house so we could go eat lunch at the convent. We went over to the Meadowbrook convent around 12pm. All of the Sisters of Mercy in Guyana were there for the celebration. We had a wonderful lunch with ham, turkey, potatoes, macaroni, rice, cranberries, stuffing, and other random salads. It was a really great meal. For dessert we had plum pudding with rum butter. It's a really rich dessert but it was good.
After we came home the boys played with their toys and we took our turns relaxing and enjoying the day off. For dinner we ate a left over concoction that Sarah made. It was actually pretty good! :) Last year we had egg rice for Christmas dinner - so really I feel like anything could have been an improvement.
We woke up boxing day and spent the day playing with the boys. Around 3pm we ended up taking them downtown to the "Main Street Lime". This is when people go down to main street and hang out. They have different vendors selling this - food, drinks and trinkets. It was a good afternoon. They hadn't started selling all the much yet - but it was still good to take the boys for a walk. After that we took the boys back to Plaisance where the orphanage is which is about a 15 minute bus ride from where we were. We dropped Sarah and Meg off at home because our house is also along the route and then Audrey and I continued on the way. Meg and I were in the back with two of the boys and when Meg got off all of a sudden I was with the two small boys in the very back corner of the bus. Another lady came on and we were all squished. The boys seemed to enjoy it - :)
After we dropped the boys off Audrey saw a friend of hers. They asked us if we would like to go for a walk around the village the orphanage is in. It was quite an adventure walking around the area. I have to say that I am always reminded how much I haven't yet seen. We all kind of have the different areas that we know very well and I do not know the area around the orphanage well. It was a good adventure and a nice long relaxing walk after dropping the boys off. We were to go out with our friends later that night but we were all so exhausted that we decided just to go to sleep instead. We kind of felt like little old ladies. :)
For the past two weeks I have been working at the hospital all the time. I didn't actually take any time off when school closed because one of the social workers at the hospital left the job and it was down to two of us. In the week before and after christmas there were many days of working straight through lunch and then realizing I hadn't taken time to eat until about 2pm. It was very exhausting working so much but at the same time rewarding. I really had to remind myself to take my time with each patient when really I just wanted to rush through since there was a line outside my door which felt like it would never end. I have to say that I am so thankful for my co-worker Terese. She is in charge of pulling charts, answering phones and data entry. She was always very helpful and helps me to stay positive. Many people were in and out taking leave and doing their last minute christmas shopping so I always felt under tight constraints and she really helped me to stay positive. This past week one day everyone but four of us called in sick. I was secretary, social worker, free tester, chart puller, and id card maker all at once. :) What an adventure.
On the 30th the doctors at the hospital who work in the Hiv program bought us lunch. One of the doctors were thanking us for all the hard work and she said: "Now, I know we are all overworked and underpaid... but that's not the reason we do this". It really helped me to remember after two weeks of working hard that its not about my non existant pay check, or about the appreciation that other people give me - but rather that I am able to help someone else. Working before christmas is not easy, money is always an issue and dreary stories before christmas don't really bring much cheer. I reminded myself that we got to stay positive despite all circumstances because we just got to take the good with the bad.
New years eve around here always starts off with church that brings in the new year. We went to church in our neighborhood at 10:30 and were home by 11:45. We had a bunch of friends over after church for a small get together at our house. We played music, danced, ate cook-up, and had a good time. Eating cook-up rice is a tradition on "old years night" as the Guyanese call new years eve. I can say that by the time my head hit the pillow the sun was shining very brightly. Ahh the joys of being young.
I look forward to all that 2012 has to bring. I was talking to one of my friends about if the world is going to end in 2012, and if you believe it is I have a great idea. You can just send me all your excess money so I can do a little bit of good in case the world ends anyway. :) Ok?! LOL
The welcoming of 2012 was slightly awakening for me because this is the year that I go home. People would always ask how long I would be in Guyana and I would say I'm going home in 2012, and now... I say august. Ahhh.... hmm.... It's a good, scary, sad, and hopeful feeling all at the same time.
This past week school started back and I was glad to see my students. Although I was glad to see them it is very typical that many students don't show up until the second week so it was very laid back. We started to discuss about how there are so many things that we don't know about which we could find out about on the internet. They didn't believe me so I started to ask them questions about WWII. They knew absolutely nothing about WWII and were shocked at the stuff we could find. I felt like my Grandpa Jon would have been proud of my history lesson. :) Although, it was very simplified but at least they know that it happened.
At the hospital this week I was talking to a patient about the fact that no matter where you are in life or what your HIV status is you always have problems. She said to me: "Before I was positive I had man problems, when I became positive I had man problems, and when I became big I still have man problems" Big referring to being old in age. We all have problems, but I honestly think half of life is our attitude towards our problems. She reminded me half the battle is staying positive.
I am looking forward to this week ahead of me. I don't have any big plans coming up but am hoping that school this week the students will get back into routine and we will actually get some work done.
I am wishing you all a very happy and blessed 2012. Continue to keep me in your prayers as I continue to pray for my family and friends back home. Until next week.
All my love,
Ashley Ann
Saturday, December 17, 2011
8 Days til CHRISTMAS! :)
Almost Christmas!!!
This week we had our advent Novena. It started last Thursday and ended this morning and each morning at 5:30 am we had Mass at our local parish. I want to say that it took a LOT of dedication to get up each morning but was well worth it. I got so many things done when I got home at 6:30 and was already wide awake. Since I leave the house at 6:45 on tuesday and thursday it was kind of a crunch time, but it was still alright.
One of my favorite homilies this week talked about how much time we put into our faith. I started to think about how some people get really frustrated when they don't understand their own religion and yet don't take the time to figure it out. I was thinking about sports and how to be good at a sport we must practice. If you wanted to be a good basketball player but only practiced once a week for one hour - you wouldn't accomplish anything. Even if you practiced for one hour every week of your life you still wouldn't be at the best of your ability. Even worse say you only practiced twice a year, now how could you expect to know much of anything about the sport rather than what you see. Our faith is exactly the same. If you don't understand the Catholic church or why it teaches what it does - and you don't put any other extra effort into it, its not going to magically appear.
This made me think to myself "How much effort do I put into my faith life?". If I put even 10% of the energy that I put into work into my faith, I know I would be improving my faith life from today. God's messages to us don't transfer into our minds by osmosis, we must study his word, listen to his pastors, and take time to talk with Him and listen to what He has to say to us. Next time I find something about the Church or the Bible I don't understand I realize maybe it's my own fault because my priorities aren't exactly in the right place. We have no one to blame but ourselves if we don't become NBA players when we only practice basketball once a week. :)
This week was the last week of school and all that I had left to do was clean up my room and attend the school party. I really enjoyed just being around the school and not having a lot of work to get done or accomplish! :) I met some of my parents students this week and one of them said to me: "Ohhh, you're miss Ashley, yes I hear a LOT about you, almost every time my son comes home from school he tells me something about you". I felt really awkward but at the same time i'm glad to know that my students enjoy my class somewhat. Now I just need to start working on my lesson plans for next term.
We had our staff party last night for the school and it was a lot of fun. I always enjoy dressing up in Guyana! We just had a dinner and then we got gifts from the school. I got a really beautiful weaved baskets!! Its nice to see everyone dressed up and talking about something other than school for once. My co-workers all really make me laugh and are very supportive of each other and I really appreciate that.
Yesterday we had the MOST CRAZY DAY EVER at the hospital. I walked in at 8am and was told that they needed someone in the ER immediately. My supervisor told me that the lady who is normally there isn't here yet, and that I would be much better than him at grief so he sent me down. We had a woman who had lost her husband and her seven children were on the way to see him. I just kept praying that the counselor who deals with grief would show up quickly and lead the team. Right as the children arrived she walked in to and I thanked God that she was able to take over. I obviously stayed and helped her, but it was a huge relief. Once all of that had happened we had to see all the patients for the day and then get ready for the childrens party. I face painted with another young woman and it was a really great time. The only thing was once I stopped face painting at the end of the party around 5:30, I realized that was the first time I had stopped moving since 8 that morning. I hadn't had time to even take lunch or think about eating. I was glad that there was Roti and curry there when we finished face paiting - nothing like you're favorite food to end a CRAZY day!! :)
Georgetown before Christmas is always chaos and I do not enjoy how long it takes to get home on the bus anymore. I have never been a huge fan of crowds and I am going to enjoy when all of the Christmas chaos is over... I still have to go and buy my christmas presents and I am not looking forward to the long lines. Mmmm i'm looking forward to all of the Christmas food :) It's still always hard to believe that it's Christmas without any snow. Not that I really miss the cold, rather I just miss the clean look and beauty that snow gives to a city.
I hope you all have a blessed last week of advent!! I will make sure to post a blog after Christmas sharing all of our Christmas Adventures!!
Merry Christmas!!!
Love,
Ashley Ann
This week we had our advent Novena. It started last Thursday and ended this morning and each morning at 5:30 am we had Mass at our local parish. I want to say that it took a LOT of dedication to get up each morning but was well worth it. I got so many things done when I got home at 6:30 and was already wide awake. Since I leave the house at 6:45 on tuesday and thursday it was kind of a crunch time, but it was still alright.
One of my favorite homilies this week talked about how much time we put into our faith. I started to think about how some people get really frustrated when they don't understand their own religion and yet don't take the time to figure it out. I was thinking about sports and how to be good at a sport we must practice. If you wanted to be a good basketball player but only practiced once a week for one hour - you wouldn't accomplish anything. Even if you practiced for one hour every week of your life you still wouldn't be at the best of your ability. Even worse say you only practiced twice a year, now how could you expect to know much of anything about the sport rather than what you see. Our faith is exactly the same. If you don't understand the Catholic church or why it teaches what it does - and you don't put any other extra effort into it, its not going to magically appear.
This made me think to myself "How much effort do I put into my faith life?". If I put even 10% of the energy that I put into work into my faith, I know I would be improving my faith life from today. God's messages to us don't transfer into our minds by osmosis, we must study his word, listen to his pastors, and take time to talk with Him and listen to what He has to say to us. Next time I find something about the Church or the Bible I don't understand I realize maybe it's my own fault because my priorities aren't exactly in the right place. We have no one to blame but ourselves if we don't become NBA players when we only practice basketball once a week. :)
This week was the last week of school and all that I had left to do was clean up my room and attend the school party. I really enjoyed just being around the school and not having a lot of work to get done or accomplish! :) I met some of my parents students this week and one of them said to me: "Ohhh, you're miss Ashley, yes I hear a LOT about you, almost every time my son comes home from school he tells me something about you". I felt really awkward but at the same time i'm glad to know that my students enjoy my class somewhat. Now I just need to start working on my lesson plans for next term.
We had our staff party last night for the school and it was a lot of fun. I always enjoy dressing up in Guyana! We just had a dinner and then we got gifts from the school. I got a really beautiful weaved baskets!! Its nice to see everyone dressed up and talking about something other than school for once. My co-workers all really make me laugh and are very supportive of each other and I really appreciate that.
Yesterday we had the MOST CRAZY DAY EVER at the hospital. I walked in at 8am and was told that they needed someone in the ER immediately. My supervisor told me that the lady who is normally there isn't here yet, and that I would be much better than him at grief so he sent me down. We had a woman who had lost her husband and her seven children were on the way to see him. I just kept praying that the counselor who deals with grief would show up quickly and lead the team. Right as the children arrived she walked in to and I thanked God that she was able to take over. I obviously stayed and helped her, but it was a huge relief. Once all of that had happened we had to see all the patients for the day and then get ready for the childrens party. I face painted with another young woman and it was a really great time. The only thing was once I stopped face painting at the end of the party around 5:30, I realized that was the first time I had stopped moving since 8 that morning. I hadn't had time to even take lunch or think about eating. I was glad that there was Roti and curry there when we finished face paiting - nothing like you're favorite food to end a CRAZY day!! :)
Georgetown before Christmas is always chaos and I do not enjoy how long it takes to get home on the bus anymore. I have never been a huge fan of crowds and I am going to enjoy when all of the Christmas chaos is over... I still have to go and buy my christmas presents and I am not looking forward to the long lines. Mmmm i'm looking forward to all of the Christmas food :) It's still always hard to believe that it's Christmas without any snow. Not that I really miss the cold, rather I just miss the clean look and beauty that snow gives to a city.
I hope you all have a blessed last week of advent!! I will make sure to post a blog after Christmas sharing all of our Christmas Adventures!!
Merry Christmas!!!
Love,
Ashley Ann
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Land of Many Changes*
Good Afternoon,
Since the last time that I wrote so many things have changed. November ended and December came, elections happened and results were delivered, the Mass as i've known it my whole life is now different and Advent began which always brings about a good change in the liturgical year.
On November 28th Guyana held its elections. I have to say that the city of Georgetown was very tense before the elections. Walking down the street the weekend before you could notice that there were less people out, and things seemed quiet. Monday was election day and it came and went very quietly. Tuesday morning I took a taxi to work and all my co-workers were sitting around talking about what was going to happen. Everyone kept commenting on how quiet it had been the past weekend and how on election day not a soul went out anywhere but to the polls. It took until thursday to receive the results. They were suppose to be released at 2pm, and when I got home at 4:05 Audrey told me how I was just in time to recieve the results. I remember walking from the end of our block where I was dropped off to our house just before I came in the house. I had been thinking about how still things can be in the moments before we know change is going to occur. We have hopes of what is going to happen, but because there is no control I find the stillness makes me realize how much is out of our control. The PPP/C won the elections and Donald Ramotar is the new president of Guyana. The PPP/C did not win Majority in the house, and for the FIRST time since Guyana became an independent nation has had a shared government.
On Sunday Nov 27th, the first sunday of Advent Sarah Audrey and I were walking into evening church. As we were walking in Sarah said: "And Mass as we know it has changed, I didn't even realize last weekend would be the last Mass as I have known it my whole life". We had already heard the new Mass at daily Mass at the Cathedral for the past couple of months so for us it wasn't a dramatic change. I personally don't think the changes are all that great to create any sort of major fuss. I feel like it was received well in Guyana and I heard very few complaints. I would also like to thank Father John as I feel he gave many homily's preparing us all. No one likes to change a routine that is so ingrained you know everything. It's like moving to a new house, or changing countries. It takes a while at first, and we are going to be a little uncomfortable, but eventually and soon enough Mass will once again become home.
This past weekend we went on retreat in New Amsterdam, Berbeice. It was our Advent retreat and it was very fruitful for me. We stayed behind the church in a building which is half a rec type center, and half a retreat house. When we first got there we all took naps as one of the most important parts of retreat is catching up on rest of course! After that it happened to be the first friday of the month so there was exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, Benediction and Mass. For those of you who are not Catholic - exposition of Blessed Sacrament, or adoration is where we go to adore and pray before Christ. We believe the Eucharist or the communion host, is actually the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ. We put it in a device called a Monstrance which is basically a gold display case -
I always think about my Totus Tuus team member Drew Brawn and how he explained the effects of Adoration. Adoration is like sun tanning. Sometimes when we go tanning we can't see the effects right away, we can't tell what is happening. Yet eventually and gradually we start to see changes. So as tanning effects our outer body - being in front of the Son, the Son of God, is like tanning for your soul. You won't be able to see the effects right away but just being in the presence of the Lord changes you, slowly. We may not feel the effects, but faith is not about feelings. Just like how married couples may not always feel the love they have, that doesn't mean its not there. Its in those moments when we don't feel the love that both in marriage and in faith it is the most important to stay faithful and be perserverant.
"Advent is concerned with that very connection between memory and hope which is so necessary to man. Advent’s intention is to awaken the most profound and basic emotional memory within us, namely, the memory of the God who became a child. This is a healing memory; it brings hope. The purpose of the Church’s year is continually to rehearse her great history of memories, to awaken the heart’s memory so that it can discern the star of hope.…
It is the beautiful task of Advent to awaken in all of us memories of goodness and thus to open doors of hope."
Memory Awakens Hope. . . . . . . . . Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Seek That Which Is Above,1986
Since the last time that I wrote so many things have changed. November ended and December came, elections happened and results were delivered, the Mass as i've known it my whole life is now different and Advent began which always brings about a good change in the liturgical year.
On November 28th Guyana held its elections. I have to say that the city of Georgetown was very tense before the elections. Walking down the street the weekend before you could notice that there were less people out, and things seemed quiet. Monday was election day and it came and went very quietly. Tuesday morning I took a taxi to work and all my co-workers were sitting around talking about what was going to happen. Everyone kept commenting on how quiet it had been the past weekend and how on election day not a soul went out anywhere but to the polls. It took until thursday to receive the results. They were suppose to be released at 2pm, and when I got home at 4:05 Audrey told me how I was just in time to recieve the results. I remember walking from the end of our block where I was dropped off to our house just before I came in the house. I had been thinking about how still things can be in the moments before we know change is going to occur. We have hopes of what is going to happen, but because there is no control I find the stillness makes me realize how much is out of our control. The PPP/C won the elections and Donald Ramotar is the new president of Guyana. The PPP/C did not win Majority in the house, and for the FIRST time since Guyana became an independent nation has had a shared government.
On Sunday Nov 27th, the first sunday of Advent Sarah Audrey and I were walking into evening church. As we were walking in Sarah said: "And Mass as we know it has changed, I didn't even realize last weekend would be the last Mass as I have known it my whole life". We had already heard the new Mass at daily Mass at the Cathedral for the past couple of months so for us it wasn't a dramatic change. I personally don't think the changes are all that great to create any sort of major fuss. I feel like it was received well in Guyana and I heard very few complaints. I would also like to thank Father John as I feel he gave many homily's preparing us all. No one likes to change a routine that is so ingrained you know everything. It's like moving to a new house, or changing countries. It takes a while at first, and we are going to be a little uncomfortable, but eventually and soon enough Mass will once again become home.
This past weekend we went on retreat in New Amsterdam, Berbeice. It was our Advent retreat and it was very fruitful for me. We stayed behind the church in a building which is half a rec type center, and half a retreat house. When we first got there we all took naps as one of the most important parts of retreat is catching up on rest of course! After that it happened to be the first friday of the month so there was exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, Benediction and Mass. For those of you who are not Catholic - exposition of Blessed Sacrament, or adoration is where we go to adore and pray before Christ. We believe the Eucharist or the communion host, is actually the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ. We put it in a device called a Monstrance which is basically a gold display case -
I always think about my Totus Tuus team member Drew Brawn and how he explained the effects of Adoration. Adoration is like sun tanning. Sometimes when we go tanning we can't see the effects right away, we can't tell what is happening. Yet eventually and gradually we start to see changes. So as tanning effects our outer body - being in front of the Son, the Son of God, is like tanning for your soul. You won't be able to see the effects right away but just being in the presence of the Lord changes you, slowly. We may not feel the effects, but faith is not about feelings. Just like how married couples may not always feel the love they have, that doesn't mean its not there. Its in those moments when we don't feel the love that both in marriage and in faith it is the most important to stay faithful and be perserverant.
I can firmly say that after a weekend from Georgetown I felt much more relaxed. I felt the results of it this week when I was able to be more patient with my students who have a tendency to push my buttons. I think one of my favorite memories of retreat was when I was laying on my bed and Audrey came to talk with me. At first she sat on the chair across the room and we were chatting and then she had to run to check if it was lunch time. When she came back all of a sudden I felt her jump on my bed and we laid there for about 45 minutes just talking about life. We kept talking about how much we have changed since last December and how Guyana has become a different country to us. God has shown himself to us in different ways and through it all we have committed to each other as support and nonjudgmental support. We were able to talk through a lot of different things that were going through our minds and at the end of it I felt relief. I would never be able to experience that without the feeling of support that I received from my friend.
This past week I wrapped up my class for the term by allowing my students to finish off their Microsoft PowerPoint assignment. During one of the classes about half finished early in the period and since it was the last class of the term I gave them free time. The slower girls were still working. Whenever one of them would raise their hand before I would get to them another girl would run over and help. I felt very proud that they were so self sufficent that they could function without my help. At the same time it was one of those moments where I felt sad that I was no longer needed. I am excited to start again in a new area next term! :)
The only other thing that happened this week was the Festival of Carols at the Cathedral and Mass for the Immaculate Conception. Our Cathedral is the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception so we always have a huge Mass celebrating it. I enjoyed very much hearing from the Bishop. The festival of carols is just a collection of individuals and choirs preforming different christmas songs. It was a good night out to relax and begin to get into the Christmas Season.
I hope you are all enjoying your Advent. Before we know it Christmas will be here!!!
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
"Advent is concerned with that very connection between memory and hope which is so necessary to man. Advent’s intention is to awaken the most profound and basic emotional memory within us, namely, the memory of the God who became a child. This is a healing memory; it brings hope. The purpose of the Church’s year is continually to rehearse her great history of memories, to awaken the heart’s memory so that it can discern the star of hope.…
It is the beautiful task of Advent to awaken in all of us memories of goodness and thus to open doors of hope."
Memory Awakens Hope. . . . . . . . . Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Seek That Which Is Above,1986
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Please pray for Katie Grace
Hello everyone,
As a kid did you ever eat a whole bunch of sour candy and then your stomach felt really upset? There is a "fruit" here called Tamarind, I don't know if its really a fruit, but anyway - it makes a really really sour syrup that is made into these small balls which are coated in sugar. I just ate two of them and although the sour sweet tasted great going down, I now have a small regret eating them all.
This week has been a very stressful week. I think I do a very good job at focusing on the positive aspects of Guyana, but to be honest there are a ton of stressful things. My biggest stress currently is the dynamics at my work place. I work at a hospital where finances are extremely tight. In fact finances are so tight that we don't even have soap and paper towels in our bathrooms because that is an extra added expense.
I work in a department that has two social workers plus me. One of the social workers recently resigned and in the process of resignation there was a ton of office drama that showed the true colors of both the administration of the hospital and the department. I don't think its any different that another part of the world trying to cut costs and make money, but where is the mercy. I feel lost and confused at how to handle the stark reality that the world will always be flawed.
I wish and dream for justice for everyone who is involved in the situation but it will never happen because people are simply prideful and self absorbed. And I don't just mean this in this context but in general. You find wicked people all over the world, and yet whenever I see wickedness I lose my temper and want to fight. I don't often yell or get upset but when I see true injustice my blood pressure goes through the roof.
The world is in chaos because we love things and like people. I often pray that I truly learn to be prudent in all my decisions because I dread the idea of growing up to be a person who loves things and likes people. I pray that I grow up and don't lose the drive to have mercy and compassion.
Last weekend the homily at Church very much applies to my life here as a missionary and it follows:
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
The priest at Mass made a very good point about how when Jesus said this Jesus wasn't talking about Check Book Ministry. This is actually something that has been on my mind for a very long time. I was walking down the road one day and I saw a young boy who was wearing a shirt that said: "A family in Canada loves me". And I thought to myself - does that family really love him, or do they give a small amount of the extra money they have out so that you can have a shirt, and maybe some food. Now I want to say that giving money is EXTREMELY important and that without financial support I couldn't be doing the work I am. So please, always feel free to continue writing supportive checks, but in this Gospel it shows us that Jesus calls for so much more. Do we know people who we could help and yet turn them away.
So many times I see help in a bad way. For example there is an un-named organization that brings in donations to third world countries. The other day we got a whole shipment of G-string underwear. Seriously?! What you should call yourself G-strings for the poor?! I was so upset at the fact that people look at stuff and think: "Oh, I don't want this crap, so let me give this crap to someone who might also not be able to use this crap but it will make me feel better inside". Yes, old clothes are great and needed, but old underwear and socks is just degrading. Poor people have dignity. Sometimes that's all they have left and by treating them like dirt we treat Jesus like dirt.
For example when you give food to the food shelf do you go through your house and give out all of the stuff that you aren't going to use? Are you really thinking about your neighbor when you do that? I guess I get so passionate about this because I know the faces and the names of people who could benefit so much from the excess of other people, but often just get sent junk. I don't think when Jesus said to clothe, feed, and give water to our neighbors he wanted us to give crap.
When you are giving as Christ says when you help His people you help him. Would you change your donations if you thought of that every time you were about to help someone.
Where is our focus, are we giving out of excess and guilt, or are we giving out of our heart?
These are some of the things that are constantly running through my mind as I complete my job here. I don't mean to be directly accusing anyone or calling anyone out. Rather - just frustrated at the fact that us humans are completely flawed and wishing for a perfectly just world.
I know a young girl who is now HIV + because she was raped by someone close to her. I always find a lack of words to say but I've realized this week that I don't really need to say anything. Sometimes just always being there and being compassionate is the most you can do. Life really isn't fair, but we still have to make the best of it.
On a somewhat brighter side I have student named Jamal who has ADHD to the MAX. He can't sit still, listen, or pay attention for more than 10 seconds. I have been struggling with him all year to accomplish anything and each week I get a little more frustrated. Last week I had come to the end of my patience and I couldn't handle him anymore. Then I decided to change my approach. Instead of getting mad at Jamal and yelling at him every time he was ridiculous I decided I would put my hand on his shoulder and ask him what was going on. Or give him a small moment of encouragement. Finally this week during computer class I had a break through. I let Jamal work on my computer and I sat next to him and he actually worked for an entire half an hour. I was so relieved and happy. It made me frustrated at myself that I hadn't been more compassionate before. However, I am glad I finally had a break through.
I forgot it was THANKSGIVING this week. No holiday away from home actually seems like a holiday. We did have a small celebration with our friend Alex on Wednesday night since Sarah had to work on Thursday. It was nice but really I was just wishing that I was home. There is no place like home for the holidays.
Before I end I wanted to ask you all a favor. My cousin has recently adopted a small girl from China. Her name is Katie Grace and from the pictures I have seen she is just adorable!! She is having some medical problems with her lungs and heart and is in need of many prayers. Here is a link to her blog: http://www.adoptionoverseas.blogspot.com/
I beg you for prayers for this little girl. Please read her story and keep her in your thoughts. As my HIV patients always tell me - God can take me through anything.
Have a safe and happy week. Please pray for a safe and honest election here on Monday.
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
As a kid did you ever eat a whole bunch of sour candy and then your stomach felt really upset? There is a "fruit" here called Tamarind, I don't know if its really a fruit, but anyway - it makes a really really sour syrup that is made into these small balls which are coated in sugar. I just ate two of them and although the sour sweet tasted great going down, I now have a small regret eating them all.
This week has been a very stressful week. I think I do a very good job at focusing on the positive aspects of Guyana, but to be honest there are a ton of stressful things. My biggest stress currently is the dynamics at my work place. I work at a hospital where finances are extremely tight. In fact finances are so tight that we don't even have soap and paper towels in our bathrooms because that is an extra added expense.
I work in a department that has two social workers plus me. One of the social workers recently resigned and in the process of resignation there was a ton of office drama that showed the true colors of both the administration of the hospital and the department. I don't think its any different that another part of the world trying to cut costs and make money, but where is the mercy. I feel lost and confused at how to handle the stark reality that the world will always be flawed.
I wish and dream for justice for everyone who is involved in the situation but it will never happen because people are simply prideful and self absorbed. And I don't just mean this in this context but in general. You find wicked people all over the world, and yet whenever I see wickedness I lose my temper and want to fight. I don't often yell or get upset but when I see true injustice my blood pressure goes through the roof.
The world is in chaos because we love things and like people. I often pray that I truly learn to be prudent in all my decisions because I dread the idea of growing up to be a person who loves things and likes people. I pray that I grow up and don't lose the drive to have mercy and compassion.
Last weekend the homily at Church very much applies to my life here as a missionary and it follows:
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
The priest at Mass made a very good point about how when Jesus said this Jesus wasn't talking about Check Book Ministry. This is actually something that has been on my mind for a very long time. I was walking down the road one day and I saw a young boy who was wearing a shirt that said: "A family in Canada loves me". And I thought to myself - does that family really love him, or do they give a small amount of the extra money they have out so that you can have a shirt, and maybe some food. Now I want to say that giving money is EXTREMELY important and that without financial support I couldn't be doing the work I am. So please, always feel free to continue writing supportive checks, but in this Gospel it shows us that Jesus calls for so much more. Do we know people who we could help and yet turn them away.
So many times I see help in a bad way. For example there is an un-named organization that brings in donations to third world countries. The other day we got a whole shipment of G-string underwear. Seriously?! What you should call yourself G-strings for the poor?! I was so upset at the fact that people look at stuff and think: "Oh, I don't want this crap, so let me give this crap to someone who might also not be able to use this crap but it will make me feel better inside". Yes, old clothes are great and needed, but old underwear and socks is just degrading. Poor people have dignity. Sometimes that's all they have left and by treating them like dirt we treat Jesus like dirt.
For example when you give food to the food shelf do you go through your house and give out all of the stuff that you aren't going to use? Are you really thinking about your neighbor when you do that? I guess I get so passionate about this because I know the faces and the names of people who could benefit so much from the excess of other people, but often just get sent junk. I don't think when Jesus said to clothe, feed, and give water to our neighbors he wanted us to give crap.
When you are giving as Christ says when you help His people you help him. Would you change your donations if you thought of that every time you were about to help someone.
Where is our focus, are we giving out of excess and guilt, or are we giving out of our heart?
These are some of the things that are constantly running through my mind as I complete my job here. I don't mean to be directly accusing anyone or calling anyone out. Rather - just frustrated at the fact that us humans are completely flawed and wishing for a perfectly just world.
I know a young girl who is now HIV + because she was raped by someone close to her. I always find a lack of words to say but I've realized this week that I don't really need to say anything. Sometimes just always being there and being compassionate is the most you can do. Life really isn't fair, but we still have to make the best of it.
On a somewhat brighter side I have student named Jamal who has ADHD to the MAX. He can't sit still, listen, or pay attention for more than 10 seconds. I have been struggling with him all year to accomplish anything and each week I get a little more frustrated. Last week I had come to the end of my patience and I couldn't handle him anymore. Then I decided to change my approach. Instead of getting mad at Jamal and yelling at him every time he was ridiculous I decided I would put my hand on his shoulder and ask him what was going on. Or give him a small moment of encouragement. Finally this week during computer class I had a break through. I let Jamal work on my computer and I sat next to him and he actually worked for an entire half an hour. I was so relieved and happy. It made me frustrated at myself that I hadn't been more compassionate before. However, I am glad I finally had a break through.
I forgot it was THANKSGIVING this week. No holiday away from home actually seems like a holiday. We did have a small celebration with our friend Alex on Wednesday night since Sarah had to work on Thursday. It was nice but really I was just wishing that I was home. There is no place like home for the holidays.
Before I end I wanted to ask you all a favor. My cousin has recently adopted a small girl from China. Her name is Katie Grace and from the pictures I have seen she is just adorable!! She is having some medical problems with her lungs and heart and is in need of many prayers. Here is a link to her blog: http://www.adoptionoverseas.blogspot.com/
I beg you for prayers for this little girl. Please read her story and keep her in your thoughts. As my HIV patients always tell me - God can take me through anything.
Have a safe and happy week. Please pray for a safe and honest election here on Monday.
Love and prayers,
Ashley Ann
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