I wish that I could tell you that I've figured out my life and that I have a plan. I still am yet to have a plan but that doesn't mean I haven't looked over tons of options. People keep asking me what i'm doing with my time since I've come home and I feel like that is a fair question and I feel like I need to find a fair answer.
I've been warned a million times that coming home to the states is more difficult that leaving for Guyana. I knew these words but I didn't realize how completely true they would be. I feel like i'm lost and floating around in a boat unsure of where the nearest land will be. I'm praying that the wind will blow me in the right direction because although I look at many options I still feel like I am in the dark.
For a while I felt like I didn't realize that I had actually left Guyana. I mean, America really didn't change. Everything around me looks the same, smells the same, and the people are generally the same. I felt like I was in some time warp where I had gone back two years and experiencing life pre-guyana. It took me until about my third week home before it really hit me that I truly was back. I know that sounds silly - but it's the honest truth.
I keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and if God brought me to it, he'll bring me through it. There is a reason I feel unsure and unclear but I don't know the reason. It's kind of like when you are reading a series of books and the next book isn't being released for a few months and you are just waiting in agony for the book to be released. I think God is telling me "Ashley, I have the book written... you just have to wait for the right time". Sigh... I wish that time was now.
I'm getting used to things back home... drinking water from the tap, semi trucks, drinking fountains, sweatershirts, blankets, Direct TV, string cheese, smart phones, cars, and many others. I try to make the most of every day and not think about the negative things that come to my mind. It's not easy adjusting back and I'm thankful for those who are patient with me.
Breath in Breath out... it will be okay...
Whatsoever you do to the least of My people, that you do unto Me.
